And Joy
Three Figures by Kazimir Malevich
Yesterday, I sat on the back porch of my in law’s house as the day began to end. The girls played under a colorful sky for the first time in months. It was all blues and orange and streaks of white. They leaped under the canopy of clouds, their limbs bared and their cheeks red. My daughters with their strong growing legs and arms that reach for things I can’t see. They are beautiful. When I am very lucky, I can see myself in their unbrushed hair and grass stained feet. Only a few years separate them from me, I am sister as nearly as I am mother. And the strength, the potential, the bright light I see for them is just as much mine as it is theirs. We are none of us too old to move forward or too young to handle the big things of this life.
Today, I turn twenty-eight. An age without much attached to it, a lost year between the beginning of twenty five and relative youth of thirty. It seems it shouldn’t be a year starting with so much light and hurt. But as I watched my little girls play, one golden moment at a time, I realized that life’s profound nature needs to stop surprising me.  They danced under the setting day and I felt that this life will not become easier or more expected. And I knew that I wouldn’t wish for it to be different.  I want the lessons at the end of each difficult road. They are what I have come to claim as my own. If I can just have enough moments of light in the fading sun, I will be sustained when I cannot see in the dark.
And so for this year, I wish for things I have not before. For the courage to be shaped into the person I was born to become. For enough years to give me lines on my face and hands. For dirt under my nails and the sweat of the blessing of hard work. For inspiration and stories and ink filled pages. For touch and smell and taste. For late nights spent in Riley’s arms. For tears with meaning and an ache that drives me home. For the ability to live the hard times well.  And my girls, for them I wish even the briefest understanding of what we have here together and what we have here forever. Just a flash of the place where this moment touches eternity. If I can help them see that, then they will be able to see everything.
Today, I turn twenty-eight. And I am uncertain and the world is big and my heart feels new. But I have my husband and my daughters. I have my God and my faith. I have my passion and my path.
Then, there is joy. I do not have to wish for joy. It already belongs to me.
And for that I am grateful.
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Oh, so so beautiful. I felt like I could hear a soundtrack playing in the background as I read (seriously, I’m a little weird). You do have joy and you share it so easily. Thank you for that birthday girl. xo, MJ
A soundtrack in the background! I love that! Oh, you are the best! Thank you so much for reading and commenting and being so lovely.
My goodness….Happy Birthday! I think you purposely left town so I couldn’t bring you terribly delicious things to eat. I hope you have a wonderful day! Enjoy the sunshine!
You are the sweetest. You and Claire are in our hearts and prayers today. Love you.
Such a beautiful post. Happy Birthday.
THANK YOU!
Love to you.
Happy birthday Megan! I hope it is an amazing day, you deserve it!
You are the sweetest. (PS. I AM KATY HUNGRY!)
Happy Birthday!
Thank you!
Happy happy birthday Megan dear, happy days will come to you all year , If I had a wish that it would be, a happy happy birthday to you all year !
I love your face. Thanks a bajillion.
Happy Birthday!!! Such a lovely post! Hope your day is as lovely as you!:)
Thank you, Clair! YOU are lovely.
Happy Birthday lovely.
Thank YOU. Love You.
Happy birthday, Meg! You know, they say Jupiter rises sometime around 28 and 29, and in my world it really has been a transformative time.
This post was an important reminder for me. I lost a loved one this week, and your line about living well during the hard times is a gift; a gentle push to laugh at the funny things without feeling guilty. To appreciate and be present and really live. Thanks for that, friend. xo
Joy,
Oh, Joy. I am so sorry for your loss. You are such a bright spot in this world and I am so blessed to know you.
My prayers are with you.
love,
meg
Happy Birthday, dear Megan! I hope you get all of the wonderful things you wish for.
Melissa! I WISH FOR A LULU THE BAKER COOKBOOK!
Beautiful.
Thank you. And thank you so much for commenting.
You are so beautiful. I am so glad I found you with your eloquence and whimsy. You help my mind stay open to possibility.
I love your wishes for the year.
They are perfect.
As I hope this day is for you.
Claire,
You are so lovely and I am so grateful for our (internet, but still very real) friendship. I hope all is so beautifully well with you and yours.
Love,
Meg
AH! So beautiful. I might just have to print this out and wish it to myself every year. Is that okay? To borrow another’s birthday wish? I hope so, because yours really is perfectly true.
Helen,
I can’t think of anything that would make me feel more delighted or flattered or down right joyful.
I hope your year is splendid.
Meg
Beautiful words. This is why there is an internet, for me. So I can find things like this and feel full after reading.
Oh Megan! Thank you ever so much. I hope your spring was lovely and summer is wonderful.