Five Reasons You Should Have Sex With Your Husband Every Day

Photo by Heather Mildenstein

Check out my post for men, Five Reasons Your Wife Won’t Have Sex With You. Buckle up!

Quick Note: This article operates under the assumption that you are married to a good man that you, you know, like. I do not advocate getting down and dirty with abusers, chauvinists or losers. Shocking, I know.  Also? For some of you the every day bit might be out of the question. Okay. No biggie. Just make intimacy (of all kinds) a regular part of your life. 

And finally, looking for some sexual know how? Check out my Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and Even Better Intimacy.

I was getting a manicure the first time I learned that not all wives want to, ahem, go for a roll in the hay with their husbands. I was sixteen and had picked out orange nail polish (oh, sixteen). I had a book with me but it wasn’t long before I found another source of entertainment. In between buffings and polishings, the two women next to me talked about how much their husbands wanted IT and how little they wanted to give IT. For a girl that had not even been asked out on a date this was a whole new world. And I had a suspicion that their experience was more realistic than the articles I sneaky read in Cosmo while getting my hair done at the salon. (I am supposed to put my hand WHERE? while simultaneously doing WHAT?) So I kept my eyes on my book, let the words blur into lines and listened closely.

“Doesn’t he know how tired I am by the end of the day? As if after the kids are finally asleep I have the energy to do anything but sit down and watch some TV.”

“For me, it isn’t even the energy it takes. I am still losing weight from the baby. I don’t feel sexy. I can hardly undress in front of a mirror, let alone in front of him. I honestly think it is selfish that he expects me to pretend to feel something that I don’t.”

“Selfish? That’s a good word. Maybe if he took care of the kids when he got home or made dinner once in a while I would be more interested. Hell, just pick up the milk on the way home from work. I am not asking for much. Now that I think about it, I don’t think we have done it in the last three weeks.”

“Yeah. It’s been at least two for us”.

Wait. These women were married…they lived with a guy….who slept in their bed. They could have sex all the time! And they didn’t want to? It made no sense…like turning down a zero calorie but as delicious as creme brulee dessert. (Or at least I assumed. At that point everything I knew about romance was gleaned from Anne of Green Gables and Moulin Rouge.) How sad. How wasteful. How stupid. When I got married, I would always want to have sex with my husband! And I would never be too tired. My goodness, it was just ridiculous to want him to bring home a gallon of milk just to prove he cared. Wasn’t it just like a woman to make a grocery run a test of love. As the final coat of polish was applied to my nails, I swore to never be like them. My life would be different. I would be better. I would never feel too fat or too tired. Ever.

And then I grew up.

Intercourse, carnal knowledge, lovemaking, knocking boots, coitus, SEX! is everything sixteen year old me imagined plus a little whipped cream on top. (Whipped cream, see what I did there?) And once Riley and I got married there was lots and lots and lots of it. Then we had a baby and I really was just so tired my bones hurt. And for a while I did feel fat. Even after I lost the pregnancy weight everything just looked different. Like a cut flower that has been left out in the sun, still lovely just a little…wilted. I became a little distant. We started to fall asleep without talking or kissing. And then one day while washing dishes, I realized that we had gone eight days without touching each other. Eight days was a quite some time for us. But the thing that bothered me the most was that I hadn’t missed it. And I knew that was a problem. So that night after we put the baby to bed, I gave Riley my best come hither glance. Yes, I was tired and felt about as desirable as the “feed the birds” lady in Mary Poppins. But while drying the dishes, it occurred to me that sixteen year old Meg must have understood something about sex that twenty-something Meg had forgotten. And maybe, just maybe it was worth remembering.

And so, without further ado….

Five Reasons You Should Have Sex with Your Husband Every Night

1. Being a mother, one of the ultimate expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park, and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in Riley’s arms when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a woman! And there is potential and depth and heck, I am pretty darn good kisser, too. It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.

2. If you want your husband to act like a man, you need to treat him like a man. (A few thoughts on what I think “Being a Man” means? It ain’t what you may think. Check it out here.) Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a return to the 1950’s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) Are you the one working? Great! Say thank you for his time at home, at work or wherever else he is helping to build your life.  And my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.

3. You need to have a moment in each day that is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made you run hot and high up to the stars until you thought you would never come down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the two of you can’t do.

4. Sex relieves stress. I don’t know that this one needs much explanation. As a mother I eat stress for breakfast. So it seems to me I have a choice. I can let off steam by A) driving around at night and bashing in strangers mailboxes or B) I can get down and dirty with that one guy I married that one time. I choose option B. (So far the mailboxes in my neighborhood have escaped unscathed, so Option B must be working.)

5. It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why are we so quick to refuse the good things in life? We will slog through our children’s Algebra homework, do Zumba in public and pluck the hair from our body ONE PIECE AT A TIME. But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A Nymphomaniacal Super Woman?

Where is the logic in that?

Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare) and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My goodness, what a crazy way to live. Ladies, did it ever occur to you (to us!) that we should have sex because WE DESERVE IT?

Yeah, you deserve it.

So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind him that he is the man you knew he could be.

Rinse. Repeat.




  1. Ha! The sooner women figure this out the better! You are right. Men need: food, sleep, sex (not necessarily in that order). When I see stuff on Pinterest like “20 Ways To Knock The Socks Off Your Spouse!” I have to laugh because I know that it doesn’t read “1. Sex 2. Sex 3. Sex…etc.” Writing notes, leaving a candybar in his briefcase and other small gestures are nice-ish, but if there’s no sex, you’re better off eating the candy bar yourself. I’m familiar with the struggles we mothers have. I’m familiar with the complaints that husbands are selfish..blah blah…demanding…blah blah…just don’t understand. But couldn’t we turn those same complaints around on ourselves? For most husbands, if their “needs” are met they will do all the grocery shopping, cook gourmet meals, and babysit the kids every night. Well, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But I bet they would be happy to pick up milk at the store and give the kids a bath a little more often.

    • I love your point about turning all of the same old complaints around on ourselves! And yes, Riley does the laundry and while I can’t get him to step into a grocery he will make us all the best grilled cheese that ever existed and hang out with kids whenever I want him to. I love your face. Times a million.

    • to have sex every night no way when all my husband does is bring home a check and sleep all of the time and leaves everything else to me and hardley liftes a finger to do anything around the house and wont help with the kids that he got me pregnant with because he did not care if i got pregnant or not as long as he got off. hell no. not in my house

      • I hear that. Read my other column, Five Reasons Your Wife Won’t Have Sex With You. It goes both ways…

      • I hear that sex is a bargaining chip with you. Only after he does this or that, only when he makes you feel aroused…, sex is for guys is like communication for women. If he stopped talking to you and just completely ignored you then that’s how you’re making your man feel. So if he runs off with a hooker, has an affair, views porn or masturbates and those things bother you don’t be surprised. He chose those things ultimately but he probably felt like he had no other choice. Are you giving him a choice that’s what you have control over. Go read a good book titled the proper care and feeding of husbands and believe every word of it. Take it as absolute truth. If you married a good and decent man you’ll see results almost instantly.

        • very good point morgan.
          and i think the point of this blog post was.. sex isn’t about just pleasing him. sex is good. makes you feel feminine. makes you feel like a woman. makes you feel wanted. it’s like exercising.. sure you’re exhausted and don’t WANT to do it.. but then you do it and realize.. i should really do that more often!
          so the sex is for you! if he’s not helping out around the house, have sex with him, for YOUR benefit! so YOU feel good.
          And hey.. that special attention he’s getting.. who knows.. maybe he’ll start helping once he feels the intimacy!
          but come on.. somethings gotta give.
          living together like strangers? THAT is the ‘hell no not in my house’ hahaha

          • Not replying to you necessarily Naomi just needed a spot to right. Some of the other women on here need to get some things straight. If you want him to “help out with the kids” or do this and that you say you never get any help with then why don’t you go sit at his desk and make some money. Not saying there are not women who work nowadays but in most cases the man is the one providing income, so if you want him to take on some of your responsibilities than try doing what he does first before you make requests, and secondly I find that being tired is a horrible excuse. Have never and will never use that excuse. You don’t think your man is tired too after working all day? Yet he is still interested, as should you. And not trying to be disrespectful but most of these articles by definition are feminist. It’s easy to prove just read about it. And I was also quite frustrated that this article didn’t really give reason to have sex as much as why you women don’t want to or excuses etc. etc. maybe the title should be changed.

      • If he is the one working for the paychecks that pay for that house, it sounds to me like it’s “not in HIS house.”

        • Excuse me, but I work part time from home and mostly a mom keeping the house together, cleaning, cooking, caring for 4 children and their needs. Just because my husband’s paycheck pays for the house and bills does not EVER make it “his house”. It should ALWAYS be “our home”! Thank God my husband doesn’t think like you!

      • You say, “no way sex every night when all my husband does is bring home a check”
        Can I rephrase.
        Of course I want to sleep with my husband EVERY night. He wakes up early every morning, works amazingly hard all day, going to work through sickness, snow, when he’s overtired, all so that I could have a roof over my head and be able to nurture my kids in a war environment. The second he walks through the door, I’m going to let him know how much I appreciate all he does or me.

  2. Yes. I so agree. Men are pretty easily pleased when it comes down to it and when you make them feel “appreciated”, they will do anything to make you happy;0)

    • Agreed! The only qualification I guess I would put on both of our assumptions is that he has to be a good man to begin with…and not all are. But a good man, that feels loved and needed, yeah…he will move the world.

      • My problem right now is that HE won’t have sex with ME. And I honestly can’t figure out why. I asked if he was addicted to porn and he says he’s not, so I can’t figure it out. I have a
        14 month old and another on the way, I’m a stay at home mom, I keep the dishes cleaned and laundry done, fix my hair and makeup daily, have started watching what I eat better, I even have dinner ready and his plate and drink fixed by the time he gets home from work. I’ve tried talking to him about it but he tunes me out or won’t bother to read anything I ask him to. He thinks I’m excessive because I want sex 2x a week, at least, when we used to have sex 3 or 4 times a day when I was in college. I’m miserable. I feel empty, insecure, and pathetic. When we got together, he noticed my confidence first. Now I walk into a room and wish I could disappear.

        • wow what a shame i love sex and try to treat my wife like a queen but im not perfect …we havent had sex in months and im so hurting … i dont understand why i couldnt have the same. hang in there .

          • I know how you feel. This has been going on for about 4 years with me and my wife, where we only have sex once or twice every few months. It has now been 3 months, and today is my birthday, where she told me we would have sex, yet she has still gone to bed and left me feeling like she dosent care at all. I treat her like a my Queen. I agree Im not perfect all the time, but generally I do the majority of the house work, I cook delicious meals for her almost every night (used to be a chef).
            Im normally a really positive person, however now Im starting to feel depressed. Its at the point now where I dont even know how to approach sex with her any more, so I have retreated back into my shell.
            Any advice anyone could give me would be great. We have only been married about 4 months, and I knew what it was going to be like before hand, but I love her and cant imagine what life would be like without her. I know that she knows how I feel, and she always looks ashamed when we dont have sex…. I have no idea what to do…

        • Sit down with him and put a calendar on the table. Tell him you are sick and tired about fighting about sex and you and he need to set down an agreement to have sex. Mark it to start with with one or two days a week for the next month for the days you will be having sex. Keep to it. The day before remind him. Tell him to shave and shower first – lay out clean bed clothes if he wears them. Out comes the lingerie, if you trim down there – consider having him do it in preparation – do him too if that is what you do. Send him a dirty text message etc. Repeat. Knowing you will be having sex and preparing for it is erotic.

        • Geez – come live at my house. I’d say thank you for dinner, pinch your ass and give you what you need. And I might even go thru kids all over again for it.

        • Im in the same boat. For the first three years we had amazing dirty fun every type of sex and we were both previously married him coming from a no sex marriage(her choice) and loving our sex life I thought he would always appreciate my super high sex drive. But it’s almost like I spoiled him for years and now he takes it for grantide. I used to have so much confidence and now i feel ugly(but I know I’m not) guys are always approaching me but it means nothing if the guy I have doesn’t care or notice me.
          Olivia: I will say its so hard to be a stay at home mom. My recommendation would be get out of the house without kids more. Take a date night with your hubby or a girls night or even just a you night. I sure dont have the answers but know it was very hard to be a stay at home mom and didn’t feel great until I took me time.

        • I’m in the same boat, Olivia. We’ve over-talked it, and it still doesn’t make things better. I think part of it is that society tells us all guys want sex all the time, and some of them just don’t. It makes it harder for the women in those relationships to not take it personally, because obviously if guys want it all the time, and my husband doesn’t want it with me, then it’s my fault, right? But it’s really NOT YOUR FAULT.

          My husband is too tired/stressed/sick/sore or just doesn’t feel like doing it a lot of the time. We’ve fought about it. I’ve been hurt over it. I’ve given up, and then turned around and tried again. We haven’t wanted to make sex a calendar date, because then it becomes something we *have* to do, not something we want to do… but since we are now having sex about once every couple months, maybe it is something we do have to do.

          It really does kill your confidence though. I’m the same where it was my confidence that drew him, but now I can’t seem to find any of that confidence ever.

          • Hi Bex, I’m a man and me and my wife have the same situation as you and your husband. We live in LA and shes always too tired,sick,complaining,etc. It happens about once every 90-120 days and she only wants to make it a quickie as shes needs to go to sleep. After years of rejection I’ve given up on coming on to her its not worth it. She got boobs after our 1st kid and I don’t think I ever saw them, she just don’t get naked for me, wnat to kiss, nothing. We argued about sex for the last 10 years and I think we will get a divorce because I want to have a happy, sexual, passionate relationship with someone till I’m 100 years old. It takes work but I think its all about the person. You can’t change people only better your own life. We’ve been together since we were 21 and after 15 years its time to test the waters. Happiness is bliss you only live once and don’t waste your life with a loser partner. Fuck that!

        • Unfortunately Olivia I think your husband may be sleeping with someone else. If he’s not doing it with you he is with someone else.

        • It sounds to me like 1 of the 2 options:
          1. He has some health problem, and he is ashamed of it, or wants to hide it from you so you won’t worry.
          2. He has an affair…

          Anyway, you must talk to him and find out what is the reason. You must know. Only after you know, you can fix it.

  3. Today I feel like you’re my own version of a Cosmo mag. You could call it Cosmo for Claire or something catchy like that. This post was exactly what i needed to read today because, you see…well, lets just say it: I’m pregnant again. Not very far along but just far enough to be in the stage where nothing fits my flabby belly and I just feel so blaaaah all the time. In a word, lately it is very difficult for me to Want It. My poor husband. Poor husbands of pregnant women everywhere.

    But maybe, as you’re saying, a little roll in the hay A LITTLE MORE OFTEN is exactly what would make me feel better. Heaven knows my sweet man is putting up with a lot from me right now, basically fulfilling both our duties as I sit on the couch and eat Starbursts.

    So thank you, dear Megan, for this needed encouragement. My husband thanks you too.

    • CLAIRE! Congratulations on the pregnancy. My goodness, girl. You can do this and you are going to be amazing at every inch of it. TWO BABIES! As to the sex thing…yeah, very hard during much of pregnancy and right after. We for SURE don’t do it every day when I am pregnant. But A LITTLE MORE OFTEN sounds like a recipe for success.

      Ps. Can I have some of your starbursts?

    • Good luck.

      FWIW, the only time my wife’s libido has noticeably exceeded mine, were during the second trimester of her pregnancies. There was about a 2 month period in her first pregnancy (more scattered in the second, since we already had a small child) where she practically tore my clothes off me almost every night.

  4. Love this. And oh man. Color me called out. (Prepare for longest comment ever. Ready? GO!)

    Soul-bearing time: My husband and I have never, ever gotten in a sex groove. I didn’t have sex before marriage, and when we tied the knot we immediately had to deal with a transatlantic, long-distance marriage. And then we moved to a totally foreign country. So much of it has to do with our move…I feel a complete loss of identity due to the move…and have added some extra lbs due to eating my homesickness. He works crazy hours, and has been stressed about selling our house. Not exactly a recipe for frisky good times.

    So, your entire post had me laughing and nodding. Because it’s so true. Often I feel like the lack of a sexual groove (yeah, I’m makin’ that phrase a thing) is the symptom of a larger problem. The problem isn’t simply that you’re not knockin’ boots on schedule…it’s that you’re not making your connection with your partner a priority.

    And while that seems small and normal, I feel like so often it grows into this enormous drift…and suddenly a couple wakes up three years later to realize there’s an enormous emotional and sexual canyon between them, that they don’t know how to cross. Not cool.

    We had a lengthy chat about it this weekend, and both recommitted to reprioritizing us. But I’ll be forwarding him your post and I’m sure we’ll chat about it again. :)

    Thanks for always being so open and honest. I don’t comment often because I can rarely comment in a concise manner…but I’m always reading and loving it. :)


      I can totally relate to so much of what you are saying here. I was a virgin when we got married (as was the husband) and it certainly took some trial and error to get to our groove place. ;) I imagine having the obstacles in place that you talk about here would have made everything far more difficult. (And I wouldn’t worry a smidge about the so-called “extra pounds”…you are a hottie mattotie.) I love that you guys were able to talk about it. So important to have an open dialogue about sex and I also think it is far too rare. I just adore you and wish we could meet in real live life sometime.

      Thank you for commenting, it means so much.

  5. It’s so true! Sometime after I had Brayden (#3), I decided to try to have sex with the hubster every other night at least. With him out of town so often and the craziness (and dare I say deformities) that come along with having multiple children, I had caused us to slow down to once every week OR TWO. Since the implementation of the “every other night” standard, our marriage has been better than ever. He is more relaxed and helpful with chores around the house without even being asked, and I’m nicer because I don’t feel quite so overwhelmed.

    • I LOVE THIS! I know that when I was younger I thought “sex on a schedule” sounded boring. Now, I get that it is really making time for something exciting and delightful and important. YAY for schedules! YAY for you!

      PS. So delighted to see you here.

      • Yes – a schedule for sex happens to work and it takes off all the pressure, anxiety – no fighting about it and knowing you will have sex and prepare for it, look forward to it – is frankly erotic.

        • This is so true. While my husband of 10 years and I have always been very intimate (hugging, kissing, cuddling – I couldn’t imagine not touching for more than 8 hours let alone 8 days!) his stress level at work was high and his sex drive went down. When he went to working 3rd shift we’d go more than two weeks without sex. (So lack of sex was more him than me.) It didn’t help that he was gone when the kids were sleeping – opportunities were few at night and he was exhausted on weekends! So we finally agreed to Tuesday mornings. The kids were at school, he was caught up on missed sleep from the weekend and wasn’t exhausted like he was at the end of the work week. It seemed silly and weird at first (“how boring!”), but that first Tuesday was so fun and sexy! He found his thoughts during his shift going to getting home to be with me in the morning. I’d get to bed early Monday night and was showered and waiting after the kids were off to school. We look forward to our Tuesday mornings and they are sacred now – we even schedule doctor and other appointments around them! We don’t ONLY have sex on Tuesdays, of course, but we make every effort not to miss them. And we have plenty of kissing, hugs, hand holding and cuddling in between. We also make sure to say how we appreciate the other and are always courteous (it’s sad how couples stop saying “please” and “thank you,” which slides into taking each other for granted and hurt feelings.)

  6. Bravo Meg! Bravo!!

  7. Loved the post. I agree and I would love to have sex daily or even twice daily.the problem is that my husband is good if its every few days. He is trying to study and with the stress of having two kids its just not his priority,I’m almost12 weeks pregnant and still would have it every day as a rule. So it’s more up to him when we have it. We used to have it many times a day before second child came along and more stress was added. When he is focused he is focused on one thing. Now his focus is to pass an exam he has three months away. Not all women are same. I always seemed to want it more then the man. And dirty dishes don’t bother me or unswept

    • My husband is the same way. I would love to be together even every other day, but my husbands sex drive just isn’t as strong as mine. I think we need a post about what to do when you want it more than your husband. Even though I know he loves me and is attracted to me, the rejection is incredibly hard. It makes me feel unattractive and as though I’m doing something wrong.
      But great post, I really found myself agreeing with the husbands side of things. I would be much more willing to do all my wifely duties if I was having sex on a daily basis! :)

      • i feel same way~! rejected! and mad. lol. but i understand his side and its a little easier. i know too, he loves me and is attracted. we do need a post on that! i agree!

        • Wow, you two are describing what most men feel when their wife isn’t as interested in sex as they are. It is very painful and deep, and shuts men down emotionally very quickly. Men will very quickly withdraw because of it, and won’t be interested in giving their wife any attention at all because it just revs them up while she’s still not interested. So men will just completely shut down to protect themselves from the pain. I’ve never heard of women feeling that way.

          Ah, the irony! Most men would KILL to have wives like you!!!

          Please send me your husband’s addresses and I’ll send someone to go kick their butts and help them appreciate what they have! :)

          • Well Said Ryan.

          • Like Ben, I concur – well said Ryan! I know it’s almost a year and half later (just found this post and great blog – THANKS MEG!) that’s exactly what I go feel. Emotionally shut down after a rejection.

            We own a successful business together and have almost all the time we need in the world. Kids go to school or to grandma during the day and we’re.. well, not having sex and it hurts.

            I do a lot around the house if I’m not at one of our stores – and we’re always together. Maybe that’s just it; perhaps we just need a break!

  8. i approve of this message.

  9. oh meg, you are so smart.

    it’d be a far better world if couples cared about their relationship (because sex is only part of it, as we all know) as much as you & riley do.

    three cheers for sex!

  10. Well said Meg. I too approve this message! I read it and thought: food, appreciation and sex…I think that’s oversimplifying it, I know there’s something else I need…I just can’t think of it right now…:)

    And about Inna’s comment above, I think I speak for all men everywhere when I say that we now hate her husband! :)

    • I really do think those are the big three….maybe star wars?

    • lol! sometimes i feel like im raping him! we have talked about it numerous times and he is more understanding and he really tries to do it when i want it, which is all the time! :)

      • I know this pain. I don’t want to be too exposing, at least not too quickly. I’ll talk to anyone, anytime if you ask but I know this pain all too well! Luckily it doesn’t come from my husband and I no longer have to face this but I have very personal and some medical insight that may help some of you.
        Men do not like the idea that they might have an issue with their testosterone but it’s very common! There are so many factors that cause it and no matter how much they love their wives, it affects them physically and obviously sexually and then withdraws them emotionally. Us women don’t know how NOT to take that personally. How can we not?!
        Believe it or not, IT’S CURABLE! Not only will your man begin to attack you (in the good and complimentary way) you will feel more wanted than you have ever felt in your life! Women have to use hormone replacement, ie birth control, HR after surgery, hormones for mood control, why would it be so odd for men?

      • Wow, I’m jealous, what can I say? Like I said above, the irony!!!…most men would kill for a wife like you!

        • My husband was forever complaining that he needed more sex. Like, for the last decade. So, in a fit of generosity, I told him that for the rest of the year, I would never refuse him. We could have sex every day if he wanted, and I would be an enthusiastic participant. And I have been, but while he was at first thrilled, he now seems to have lost interest. He claims there is no “challenge,” and he’s lost his “edge.” So I guess you CAN have too much of a good thing.

          I do not understand men.

          • Oh my goodness. Well, sometimes I think we develop roles and then even when we are able to break free of them…we don’t really want to. I guess his role is the pursuer. Maybe start refusing every other time? Unless of course, you want it all the time, in which case…he’ll just have to get his edge another way.

            If it becomes a real issue, I can’t say enough good about sex therapy with the RIGHT therapist.

            I don’t understand men much of the time, either. Or women. Humans are hard.

            Much luck.

  11. How did I not know you have this amazing blog?! I really wish I would have gotten to know you better when we were in your ward.

    This post is AMAZING. I posted it to my fb, hope you don’t mind :) I echo everything you shared and then some! Bravo!

    • Amber, So amazing to see you here! We still live so close! Let’s get together. I am glad you liked the post! Thank you thank you thank you for sharing it! Have a fabulous day!

  12. I loved this. This is SO true!! YAY for SEX!!

  13. this is the most brilliant thing I have read in a very long time. AH. You’re genius. And hilarious. And exactly right.

    • Oh my goodness, you are so very kind! I owe you ice cream for how good that comment made me feel! With a cherry on top.

  14. This post may need to appear on my blog in the future. We will talk ;-)

  15. You are hysterical and I love you for writing this.

    My favorite part? “Rinse. Repeat.”

    Dang it you are funny!

  16. Must say working in the salon I was shock how many women dont like it hide from it. I asked on of my mens client to see if he or any of his friends were on that end and his opinion and he said he had friends who were and it makes them think about turning to other things computer or even worse another woman. So sad yet so easy. I am with you on the everynight thing. It brings us closer even when things are hard. It also makes me feel prettier and wanted despite weight gain.

  17. Thank you! I so needed to be reminded of this, my husband will thank you for posting this as well :)

    I struggle big time with feeling unsexy after a baby, but the thing that makes me feel the sexiest is when I ‘force’ myself to get things started and he gives me that look like, “you’re gonna let me have sex with you?! Really?!” It’s amazing. There is a man, whom I find very attractive, that is super excited to have sex with me. How could you not instantly feel like the sexiest woman alive.
    I adore everything you write but this one made me comment for the first time :) wonderful job!

    • I love this! Ha! “You’re gonna let me have sex with you!?!” hahahaha. I have totally seen that face from my husband, too. I LOVE what you say about the man you love wanting you…SO BRILLIANT. Thank you so much for commenting! So insightful and so fun. Hope to see you here again soon.

  18. Doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well! Good most meg! Xo

  19. This represents everything I stand for. Bravo meg!

  20. This was so timely for me. I’ve struggled with feeling like I have a low sex drive; I’ve struggled with feeling like sex is for me, too. It’s hard for me to picture myself as a sexual being, for some reason. Thank you for your post — it’s so encouraging to hear married women talk about sex in a positive way!

    • Yes, low sex drive…been there, done that. I don’t know what the answer is, but I know that having sex even when I don’t feel like it helps…even if it is just a little. I do think I know I can go WAY longer without it than my husband can….like a sex camel. But the way I have decided to look at it on nights that I am not “in the mood” is that it is like going to the gym. Maybe I don’t want to get up and get out the door but once I get there I am always happy I decided to go.

      Thank you ever so much for reading. It means the world!

      • Look into your medications – espec. birth control! It can REALLY lower your sex drive – I changed to a higher estrogen kind once and noticed I never wanted sex as much and that is STRANGE for me cause I am a latina housewife with a nymphomaniac attitude toward my hubby who loves it just as much! so I switched back to the low estrogen type I had been on for YEARS (I was prescribed this kind “Micronor” while I was breastfeeding)and voila! sex drive back up & healthy again! — Also take care of yourself – the sexier and healthier you feel, the more you will want to show yourself off to your husband & trust me.. Men NEED this.. my husband is SO appreciative, affectionate & admiring me always and he is so helpful always because he knows I ROCK him in the bedroom and he will NEVER get better than moi! ;)

  21. Great post. With 3 kids and a 4th on the way, one thing I have learned is that my husband does not mind me waking him up when I return to bed after soothing a crying child. In fact, I think he hopes that a child will wake up during the night. And I feel a lot more attractive at 3AM than I do at 10PM.

    • CASSY! I love this. And I agree…what is it about the early morning hours that make me feel like a Bond girl instead of a frumpy mom?

      • I keep gum and mints by the bed for this reason. I don’t look like a Bond girl though I think I do but my breath has to be like one ;D

  22. I love this. you are genius!

  23. I have a problem with this because I do everything for my husband and don’t gat anything in return. I just like him work a full time job and Im a manager where I work and since he is self employed I do the paper work for his business also. We have a child also. So.when I come home I cook, clean, take care of our child while he sits on the sofa watching tv. After dinner I might get help cleaning up and it back to the sofa for him. I have always been a very sexual person but I have a problem when my husband tells me I’m prettier than more but their are more Good looking women out their. Now why would I want to be naked in front of him when he tells me things like that??? I work out every morning before work and sometimes when I get home if I’m here by myself. I go out of my way to buy him cards and leave them around the house or gifts if I here him say he wants something. I don’t anything from him ever and now I have to make him feel appreciated?? I think our role is reversed. He needs to make me feel appreciated!!! So tell me what I suppose to do to make him make me feel that way???

    • To me it sounds like your relationship isn’t where it ought to be. If you feel that way, then maybe you should talk about it with him. If that doesn’t get anywhere, then maybe couples therapy would be beneficial for you. You both should work together and make each other feel appreciated and valued. I hope that you can find some peace.

    • Oh, this is so hard. Thank you for taking the time to comment and make a very valid point.

      Agreed, physical intimacy is not a cure all. I think there are many times in all marriages that require hard conversations. Sometimes they can be had between just the husband and wife and sometimes it is important to have the conversations in the presence of a marriage counselor.

      I think we all have moments when we need an objective third party to help us see how we can make our lives better. Perhaps you are just in one of those moments. I know I have been there myself for other reasons and probably will be again. Good luck and many blessings.

    • I completely understand how you feel. I, too, work full-time, and I run my department. My job gets us our benefits. My job pays 80% of our shared bills and 100% of the bills I brought into our marriage because he is an independent contractor for the company he works for. I do the majority of daily care for our 9 month old, as well as his 3 year old on our nights to have him. I buy the groceries and cook almost all of the meals. But I still think there’s something to this sex thing. It didn’t always used to be this way, for us. I know it bothers my husband that he can’t provide enough for me to stay home with our kids, and he constantly feels not good enough which makes him depressed (make way for couch lounging and tv watching) or defensive (hello, fights)! I honestly feel that more sex, even though I’m so tired, will help him to realize I still think he’s good enough, and will also help me resent him less and like him more. But I totally understand what you mean.

  24. Great article! in my opinion, great reminder to get back to the “falling in love” state that brought you together. I posted it on facebook and have caught hell- had to remove it!

    Keep on writing great articles

    • Hahaha. You caught hell? For an article that encouraged husbands and wives to love each other? That cracks me up.

      Thanks for coming by and thank you so much for sharing the article…even if it made you catch hell. Have a fabulous, fantastic, fall in love day!

      • Actually had someone today thank me for posting this! WOW! The husband said that his wife read this and other articles you’ve written, and was in tears at touching words. Truth be known, There’s probably more gratitude for posting than people are willing to admit!

        Thanks Again!

  25. I am new here. I went, with a group of friends, over to see a friend of ours who is recovering from cancer tonight, and one woman pulled up this post on her iPad and read it aloud.

    The reactions were… intense.

    I can appreciate the nature of this post. I understand what you were trying to communicate, and I think you make some very valuable points. What you might consider before publishing to the world, the mandate that we ought to have sex every. single. day. is this:

    Not every woman is built like you. A post like this from someone who sounds like she has never struggled with an ability to climax, who has not had to recover from sexual abuse, who has never dealt with vulvodynia, who has not dealt with long-term chronic health issues, or undergone chemotherapy, it does not help. It hurts.

    Sex is a deeply personal thing, and what works for one couple may not work for another.

    I won’t even get into all the issues my friends had, but here is mine.

    Due to a wide variety of issues, my husband and I will not ever be able to achieve sex every single day. But what we do have is beautiful and amazing, and has taken us over 15 years to achieve — 11 of those years being stressful, difficult, and hard.

    This post is cute. But I just wanted to send a note to the rest of the population. Anyone else that comes here and feels hurt, guilty, broken, or sad — you are not alone. This may be the ideal for some, but it isn’t the norm.

    • Of course there are things in life that would keep this from being possible. And I don’t think a marriage is broken if a husband and wife don’t have sex every single day.

      And of course, I am not talking to people who are dealing with serious health issues, chemo therapy or the after affects of sexual abuse. I am also not talking to women who are in abusive relationships or are married to plain old, worthless men. I mean my goodness, who in the world would write something like that? I have re-read the article since your comment and cannot see anything in it that would insist a woman have sex from her hospital bed or in her misery. (Unless you consider leaving the dishes undone misery, in which case…point made.)

      And I must say when you talk about the obstacles that could stand in the way of a quality sex life, you make many assumptions about the trials I have or have not had in my life. Sometimes assumptions aren’t as accurate as you think.

      Ideals vary widely. If I were to open a fitness magazine I would be told I should exercise three times a week. For most of the past four years -due to pregnancies, lifestyle choices, exhaustion, illness, just plain old not wanting to, more important priorities, etc – I have only been to the gym a handful of times. I don’t feel judged by those fitness magazines. Just like this article, they are not talking to people in situations that make their suggestions impossible or painful.I simply recognize that I am living a different life than the one suggested within the publications pages. And that is more than alright.

      We get to choose what we want and for the most part, I think we really do know what will make us happy.

      Thank you for saying my article is “cute”. But I actually think it is a little more than that. I stand by my statement that every day needs a dose of intimacy between a wife and a husband. For some people that may mean actual intercourse. For some it may mean kissing, hugging or simply falling asleep holding each others hands. Either way the point is the same. There should be touch and there should be a time for just the two of you.

      I think you and I agree on that. You say that you and your husband have worked to have something beautiful and my goodness, isn’t that all what we want? How lucky and blessed that you get to have it.

      Many prayers for your friend that she may recover beautifully. I’ve lost too many loved ones to cancer and know the pain and anguish of that disease all too well.

      • Meg, you handled this beautifully! When I said earlier that I wouldn’t get too exposing too quickly, I lied, I retract it, it’s crap. Here it is.

        I had cervical pre-cancer when I was 14/15 and had a (no kidding) cross-eyed gynecologist. Talk about a double negative! I had to have chunks of my cervix cut out before I was 16. I was abused by my male best friend at 12 and date raped by 15. This wasn’t the only abuse and it started long before and lasted long after. I had one doctor confirm a miscarriage at 16 and another deny it. I had a breast lump at 17. My own estrogen was poisoning me and I produced zero progesterone. I was told I would never have kids. It was one thing after another after another.

        I was blessed with 3 miracle children. After my 3rd, four separate doctors told me if I were to have another, I would die.

        I have since been spayed. The remaining parts of my cervix also removed. My ovaries were removed this past July in a second surgery. That was my 11th surgery over my life and I am only 32.

        The physical pain is over (HALLELUJAH!) but I still struggle with the emotional scars of a lifetime of anguish.

        When I read Meg’s posts, especially something like this, I cry but they are tears of joy and laughter! I swear Meg crawls around in my head, finds her way through the maze, finds a few gems and ignores the nuts, and writes something beautiful, comical, revealing, specific enough to hold one’s attention yet general enough to touch everyone, non-offensive, and most of all just thought provoking no matter what side of the fence you sit. Isn’t that the point of a good writer?

        Meg isn’t attempting to be the world’s most renowned philosopher. She isn’t on Fox News, CNN, or Amazon promoting her new found research on this subject. She is voicing an opinion and a personal anecdote. She’s giving us her two cents, bringing us joy and entertainment exposing herself. Mostly, she’s giving herself a moment of peace and relaxation through her writing. We all have to find our moments of “zen”.

        This particular subject may be a poignant scene for some of us but there is no reason to hurt at least not from the hands of Meg.

    • of course it’s not the “norm,” but is anything that’s the “norm” really worth doing? it’s the norm to complain about sex and for women to hate it. it’s the norm for wives to nag husbands. it’s the norm for husbands to be lazy. if you want a good marriage, bottom line is that you can’t be the “norm.” and i’m not just talking about sex. if you want something to last, you treat it differently.

      obviously, there are extenuating circumstances like cancer, sexual abuse, etc. it’s not like meg is saying everyone everywhere should be having sex every day. and i don’t feel like she mandated it, either. i think she is saying this is what works for her marriage and she is suggesting that maybe it’s something you could try. i think it’s harsh of you to assume that she sat there writing this post insensitively thinking that cancer patients should be having sex every day.

      anyway, i think the point she is making is that you start out being a good husband and a good wife and when you add frequent intimacy, you get a pretty damn good marriage. i’ve tried it both ways, and it’s a lot easier when intimacy (ending in sex or not) is more prevalent. and i’ve struggled with some issues too, so i’m not living this perfect sex life in my little bubble. i just think that sex is a very natural and god-given aspect of marriage that strengthens it. if people have issues with sex, i think they should think about getting help–i don’t think there is shame in that. because when it’s good, it sure is good.

  26. Love. Love love love! Look at you, getting people all hot or all hot and bothered. Oh goodness. This is long. But whatever…

    After having a baby, relationships obviously change. About a month and a half ago, I started complaining to Mason that I knew he loved me but I didn’t FEEL loved! He told me he was completely clueless on how he could change that and requested that I write out a list of things that he does or can do to make me feel loved. I agreed and requested he did the same for me. I mean an actual list on how to make my husband more loved? I couldn’t wait! Our relationship was about to get all kinds of amazing! (We love the Five Love Languages book! It totally helps you understand how you can show your partner you love them! Why waste time writing love notes when he could care less? And it helps him understand how you feel love. We take the quiz together every New years to keep us reminded of what our partner likes, but having a baby in July changed some things on how I felt loved.) Anyway, we wrote our lists. On mine were things like bring me home ice cream on a tough day, back rubs, make time to listen to me talk about my day, take our boy and give me time to myself, and on and on. On his list… sex, make him feel appreciated(which I’m awesome at. oh yeah), sex, sex, and sex. After I set out to make my man feel oh so very very loved, I started hearing things like, “you do so much for me! What can I do for you?” and I was receiving more compliments than Miss Helen of Troy ever did. Hello? Completely a win-win situation. My man is happy and he absolutely adores me. Life is grand.

    Also after a baby, one definitely feels not-so-good about themselves. But I realized something recently. When I look at myself naked in the mirror, my oh so kind mind sees a deflated body, breasts that hang to my belly button, stretch marks, and a bum that looks like bread dough that someone poked their fingers in. What does my husband see? Boobs! Butt! We are wayyyyy too hard on ourselves. And if one’s still feeling unsexy, sex burns calories.

    It’s not fair for women to expect their man to bring them flowers, take them out on dates, or to pick up a gallon of milk if we deny them the one thing that makes them feel loved. We may get not get the same thing from it, but why in heaven’s name would you ever not want to send your man to the moon with the amount of love he has for you?

    I read this to Mason and he said, “A man will move heaven and earth for his lady. But you first need to ask him to move it, then you need to give him the energy.”

    • I LOVE Mason. His comment! Dying!

      Oh man. THAT conversation. Have had that several times myself. Aren’t we lucky to be marriages where that happens? So blessed to recognize when we are a little off track and to be able to trust one another to get back on.

      I hope all is so well with you.

  27. Ah- how often we forget the most important, basic things that our man needs and wants most, especially after we have a baby (or two, or more, for some).

    I, for one, am very glad, that you write posts such as this one, among others you have written that inspire me to be a better wife, mother, and overall person.

    Now as to the matters of this post… Dang pms. (My) poor unfortunate soul-so sad, but true! [Haha Little Mermaid song, anyone?] I can’t wait to talk with my husband about it and try it out- Until next week!

    • Can I just say how much I love that you quoted Little Mermaid? With a very girly three year old, we speak princess around here and I love when someone else gets our language.

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

      Can’t wait to hear how to experiment goes! ;)

  28. This made me cry.

    I think I have been neglecting my husband for years. We don’t even have kids, and we hardly have sex. I have zero sex drive. I lost it when I started a lot of medications, several years ago. Even though I am off the meds, my sex drive didn’t come back.

    I don’t dislike sex, but I do not need it. I’m just glad that you reminded me that he does. I like the analogy of going to the gym. I need to do it, even if I don’t want to, and I have never regretted it afterwards. We need more intamacy and it is on my to make it happen.

    Thanks for this.

    • Maria!

      Oh I have been there. The birth control pill leaves me with absolutely no, ummmm, “get up and go” and once that leaves it can be so hard to get it back. I think your comment has so much wisdom and insight. Don’t cry. Your husband is lucky to have a wife that cares so much for his well-being AND the well-being of your marriage. Something that helps me when I am not in the mood? (which with two toddlers is MUCH of the time) I remember that it isn’t just a way for me to show him love, it is also a way for him to show ME love. That makes it all a little more interesting.

      Have a lovely day!

  29. As a newly married woman, I am really glad I read this post. Before getting married, I always felt like I had a very healthy desire for sex that I kept reigned in, waiting for marriage. But boy, did I love making out and all other “appropriate” forms of intimacy. Before I got married, I started taking the birth control pill and poof… sex drive gone. On our wedding night, I could not drudge up any desire to save my life. For the first few months of our marriage, sex would end with my tears because I just couldn’t feel ANYTHING. My body would not respond at all. I felt robbed – I used to know what it felt like to be turned on and to want to get lost in the moment, but now I couldn’t . It was so hard on me and I’m sure on my husband. But we didn’t give up. I stopped taking the pill and read some books about sex and we kept trying. A year later, things are definitely better. Even when the sex was not working for me, we always shared intimate moments. We don’t have kids, so we do pretty much everything together and have lots of alone time to cuddle and talk, two forms of intimacy which I think are very important. I liked the theme I was seeing in the comments – it’s not just about sex, it’s about intimacy. But, if you’re struggling with sex, that’s not an excuse to just give up.

  30. Yes. Also, pretty lingerie works wonders for demolishing feelings of frumpiness. :)

  31. I love your blog and your writing! I have wanted to comment before and never have but what a great post. I totally relate to reason number one and I am inspired by your logic in feeling more feminine. Thanks for your honesty and your blog, it is a highlight in my day whenever I get the chance to read it!

  32. Thank you thank you. This is brilliant. I have not been able to stop thinking about it since I read it last week. There are going to be a lot of happy husbands (and wives) because of this post. :)

  33. yay for sex!

    thank you for the brilliant reminder and the honesty.

    my husband will be thanking you.

  34. I’m 17 and love your blog…it’s worth it to wait isn’t it?

    • Absolutely! Completely! Totally! My husband and I both waited and I have to tell you it is a soul bursting, fun, and hot hot hot.

      But most importantly IT is worth the wait, because YOU have great worth.

  35. I’m intrigued by the line about an orgasm every night. I’ve always heard it’s difficult for most women to achieve orgasm. True or false?

  36. Will you please talk to my wife?

    My youngest child just celebrated his 9th birthday.

    Nine years ago and nine months today was the last time we had sexual intercourse.

    p.s. I did not sign up for this.

    • 9+ years is a long time to go without sex, my suggestion is to start touching her more. Rubbing her back, put your hand on her thigh, hold her hand. Small touches and small intimacies can lead to more. It sounds like you have to start all over. Maybe counseling, or talk to her when you are not upset about the lack of intimacy, and ask to start dating again. With the youngest being 9 the family dynamics are changing. You’ll be empty nesters before too long and if you don’t start rebuilding a relationship now when the last child is gone you can both be at a loss with what to do with each other.

      My mother-in-law gave me this non-sex advice, ‘Go places with him, if he asks you to come with him leave the laundry and go.’ Maybe you can apply that advice in reverse. I hope things get better for you.

      • Excellent advice. I did not see this comment until just now. Thank you, Naomi for your insight. Personally, I cannot sing the praises loud enough about the benefits of going to a qualified marriage counselor that fits your needs. It can take a little while to find one that feels right, but once you do it can be so beneficial. There are some conversations that are best had in a safe place with an objective moderator that wants the best for the BOTH of you.

  37. Oh, Meg. I just found your blog and it is totally what I need. I think I’ll stick around.

    But on to this post. Hello, exactly what I needed to read. My husband is going to thank you. And when I read “a nymphomaniacal superwoman” I laughed my head off. I had baby #4 in June. I’ve been on some form of birth control our entire marriage except when pregnant. Libido is barely in my vocabulary. I found out about some medical issues this year that I’ve been struggling with for years and am just now getting to the bottom of, and I have hope that pain-free sex will be coming soon and increasing my desire. In the mean time, I love the going to the gym analogy. And I’m resolved to work on this very neglected aspect of marriage. I wish there was more open positive dialogue about sex, especially in the LDS culture. Love this post!

    • Christina!

      So good to have you here! (Make sure and read the post I wrote for me, Five Reasons Your Wife Won’t Have Sex With You. That door swings both ways.)

      I hear you on the libido thing. The birth control pill KILLS my sex drive dead, throw kids and everyday stresses on top of that and I am down for the count. I am so glad that you are getting to the bottom of your medical issues. It is amazing what can be accomplished with a good doctor and an open dialogue.

      And I think (I Hope!) that we are becoming more open about sex in the LDS world. I think it would make everything so much easier for everyone.

      Thank you SO MUCH again for reading and commenting. So lovely to meet you! Have a great day.

  38. Love this post, every time we GET to do ‘it’ after a long break I think, “why don’t we do this more often?”
    With my husband’s crazy work schedule we are a feast or famine couple…. Now if we can just get both babies to nap (or watch the electronic babysitter) at the same time so we can have some mid-morning delight.

  39. I wish I had this problem!!!! I am the one in my relationship who wants all the sex. He rarely ever wants to! Maybe once a week tops. So frustrating and I don’t know if I even want to do this anymore.

    • I am writing a post on this very problem. I can’t tell you how many emails I have gotten JUST LIKE yours. You are not alone. And I would love to open up a conversation about this.

  40. Ok good article but sex is just for procreation in my opinion. No i’m not some religious fanatic, was not abused, dont have any physical issues, etc etc. some people need sex others don’t. I guess you can call me asexual. we are down to 1 a month if that and i really don’t care- ps- SCHOCKER— neither does my husband. We make time to hang out and enjoy being with each other but sec is overrated. It’s what the media wants us to believe that is false- sex everyday. Seriously people can live without sex, and if you need sex to emotionally connect then you have issues.

    • Kali,

      If neither partner has much of a sex drive then fantastic! You are perfectly matched and I am so delighted you found each other.

      People CAN live without sex. They can also live without chocolate, great literature and music. Just because we CAN live without some of the great expressions of life doesn’t mean that we SHOULD.

      It is shockingly judgmental of you to think that people that use sex as one facet of the many ways they connect have issues. I truly hope you are not so dismissive of everything you don’t need or don’t understand.

  41. I absolutely love this post. It spoke to me so much. I am 28 years old, married, no kids. We’ve been together for 10 years, but just married for the past 6 months.
    I’ve recently decided to start treating sex with the same vigor as I do exercise. It’s necessary for my life and relationship.
    I began a little blog to help chronicle my journey to more sex with my lovely husband.
    Accumulating Small Flutters. Check it out!

  42. I agree. I have only been married for two months now, and I have always said that I was going to keep the important things in mind. Everyone gets so caught up in life that we forget the important things in life.

  43. This article is so one-sided. What about the men who do all the cooking and cleaning put the kid to bed and come home to a wife that does nothing but bitch on top of an already non-existent sex life. Hhhhhh, okay it’s not the article’s fault, but I think it’s time for a divorce.

  44. Well done, Miss Meg. Or, rather, Mrs. Meg. (It looks like both Megs are represented here.) You put some thought into this and you got a good result. Although daily sex isn’t my personal cup of tea, the over-all concept is well-expressed.

    On top of that, this post reminded me of the two most sage peices of advice I’ve had from two wise people.

    The first was from a 62-year-old intelligent, bishop of his ward, manager of physical plant services at a hospital where I worked. I had started dating after divorce and we talked about men and women and their relationships from time-to-time. His words of wisdom to me in case I marry again? — “If the sex is good, the man is happy.” The beauty of this is that it’s simple and true. It also implies a few things about both the man and the woman in a relationship. Your post addresses some of those things.

    The second peice of advice was from a 58-year-old medical records clerk. Married to her teenage sweetheart for more than thirty years. They are best friends and love each other dearly. Again, I was talking about dating after divorce. She said, “Melody, there’s one thing you should remember about men while you’re looking for a good husband.” I was prepared for a profound truth born of her years of experience and a successful, healthy marriage. Her answer? — “Men are dumb.” Once again. Simple and true.

    [Don’t get all “Oh, how horrible! How sexist! Men are wonderful!” on me. This was a great conversation between two women who both like men.]

  45. I love the article, but the real question is, how do I present this to my wife without feeling like a total douche? All of this stuff is right up our ally. We recently had our second baby. My wife is a great mother and a great woman. She has zero interest in the bedroom. I have become so frustrated. I’ve tried taking over chores around the house. I’m the cook anyways, so she never has to do that. I sat down with her recently and talked about how men have feelings too. In case women aren’t aware, men need passion and desire and to felt loved, just like women do. And yes it’s real simple. Men can experience all these things with sex. That’s the only thing missing. So, How do I help her understand?

    • Can I suggest an amazing book for you… “And They Were Not Ashamed” by Laura Brotherson. Amazing. Amazing book! It has changed my perspective on sex so much. I see my husband through completely different eyes since going through the process of reading this book together, we have always had a great marriage or at least in every way we knew how. What is fascinating to me is that even though the book is mostly about sexual intimacy it has changed EVERY aspect of my life for the better! It’s almost as if I’ve discovered a part of me I never even knew existed. I feel so happy and free to finally know myself completely and our marriage has benefited so greatly because of it. When I look at my husband now, I actually see part of me. It has been so amazing to feel so intense and deep love for him that his desires have also become my desires. I want to fulfill him and he wants to fulfill me! Win, win, WIN all the way around! You can find her book here And in no way am I trying to promote her book I only want to shout out on the roof tops a fabulous new realization I have discovered for myself! Through this book we have rediscovered each other together.

  46. Wow!I’ve bin blessed and inspired by wot u’ve said meg.U are a blessing to ds generation.

  47. Hello Meg!

    While reading this post, I notice myself becoming more uneasy and unsure about sex in my marraige.

    I am fairly young, 25, with 2 children and a demanding career in the Military. And to top it all off, I don’t feel as sexy as I used to in my earlier 20s. In all, I really don’t have the drive or the energy to have sex. This is really started to effect my husband and I’m not sure how to resolve it.

    I do love my husband and I do want to satisfy him sexually, but I just don’t know if I can anymore. For me, sex is 90% emotion, and if my emotions aren’t what they should be, I just shut down completely sexually. So at times when my husband seems angry with me, or distant from me for whatever reason, sex is the last thing on my mind. And then it becomes either I’m too tired or just too sad to have sex. How do I overcome this? I really don’t want my husband to look to fill this sexual void elsewhere…

    • My goodness, girl. You have so much on your plate.

      Your emotions are so valid, as are your reactions.

      First, I think you need to have an honest conversation with your husband. Tell him everything you have written here. When you have the conversation, try to do it without accusation.He may be just as tired and confused as you. Sex is really just a manifestation of intimacy. Find other ways to be intimate with each other. Talking, touching, cuddling, serving each other and eventually the rest will follow.

      Secondly (and JUST AS IMPORTANTLY), you need to find some time for yourself. There is no way to give to others if you aren’t taking care of yourself. You need to carve time out of each day just for YOU. Darling girl, you are 25 and are carrying the world on your shoulders. Find out how to share the burden with your husband. When you are communicating with one another and working side by side, everything becomes less overwhelming.

      I’d also like to recommend the companion article I wrote to go alongside this one, And finally, know that everything you are feeling is temporary. We all pass through seasons in our lives that feel like they will overcome us. But they do not. You can do this.

      I have you on my mind and hope all goes well for you.

      Best, Meg

  48. I do believe that you should never deprive your husband of sex or use it as a tool to get things. But, I do agree with all you said why not have sex every night you deserve it. Women are made to feel from the time they are young that we cannot have a sense of sexuality. It’s nice to hear more and more women speaking out and owning their sexuality. For a long time I was insecure with my body and didn’t feel very sexual even though my husband always told me I was sexy and beautiful. It wasn’t until my late 20’s early 30’s that I have come into my own and accept my body and understand I too not just men have desires and it’s perfectly okay to seek fulfillment from my husband.

    • Exactly Ronnie! It is FOR us. I am so glad that we are all figuring it out together. (Thanks for reading!)

  49. This was great! I have had a similar experience at a young age, wondering why on earth a woman wouldn’t want to have sex every night (and day!) ;) Tired or not! Can you write one of these addressed to men about why they should have sex with their significant others every day? I know that “men want sex every day” sounds like a no-brainer but some men use the “too tired” and “too busy” excuses too- and it’s really time to annihilate them. There’s more to life than burying oneself in work and aggravation!

    • Yes, I have had so many requests for that type of post! Your comment tipped it. I will get started on it this week! Thank you so much for reading!

  50. Meg,

    I read some of your blog’s entries. Like many bloggers, you sound like a high-strung person with a need to control and dominate. Maybe I’m wrong. Or maybe I’m right and you know that already. There is nothing wrong with this type of personality! But if no one ever told you, think about it for a second, as it might be much more useful than the squirt of dopamine you get from a blindly loving comment.


    • Your insight is so very appreciated.

      What kind of squirt (grossest use of that word ever, by the way) did you get by leaving a mean, condescending, unnecessary comment?

      Did it feel oh so good?

      I hope so.

      • A squirt of dopamine is a medical expression. The way you used that word in your reply is the only gross thing I can see in the exchange. In any case, my interest is purely scientific, as many studies have been made on bloggers personalities already and there is nothing new in what I’m saying. Writers in general tend to have those characteristics: higher than average neuroticism, and opennes to new experiences (for bloggers). I share some of those traits myself. But if someone highlighted those aspects for me while writing on my blog, I would say “I am very much aware of that, thanks!”, and move on to the next sparkling endorsement.

        • There are many medical terms I find disgusting. A few examples:

          Necrotizing Fasciitis (The name sounds just like what the condition looks like. Yuck.)
          Fecal vomiting (so many fecal terms)

          to name a few. I am trying to figure out why medical terms are exempt from being labeled gross?

          And you are right, I totally owe you a thank you. Thank you for saying I am high strong person with a need to control and dominate. Surely, the few things you have read here, along with all of your expertise (not to mention apparent omniscience) have qualified you to make a blanket statement like that. This little lady is so grateful that a big, all knowing man named Matt was able to point that out to her.

          You know, you and your version of science would have fit in perfectly around the time that male doctors regularly diagnosed their female patients with hysteria.

          Of course, that was a very long time ago.

  51. This article miffs me a tad. While I think it is all good to please your man, what do you to when your man is a dirt bag? I have a husband who does nothing for anyone until he gets caught creating another profile on some scumbag website. We have four children, and I devoted my love, life and soul to this man. I refuse to give myself over to someone who makes me feel so horrible. We have four sons so I won’t leave. My boys need a man in their life, and even though he isn’t father of the year, he does love them. If I am tired, and having four boys between the ages of ten months and thirteen years exhausts me to death, I’m not wasting my energy on him. I have a home to care for as well, and I use my spare time getting things done for my boys. We had sex all of the time, even after two kids and a few moves. The past four years he has been cruising for strange and, in some instances, going to get it. Nothing makes a man less attractive than having to get an std test every three months. I am sure you wrote this to help others, and I am really happy for everyone who was able to take something from this, but a lot of women don’t have husbands that make the best grilled cheese or pick up the milk on the way home. We shouldn’t have to feel like we need to exhaust ourselves to keep our men happy. They should understand that we aren’t machines, we are breathing people with souls, ideas and yes, energy limits. If you have a great husband it should be enough to snuggle or have a quiet dinner together. If a man can base his entire idea of you on how much sex you are willing to give him , that doesn’t seem fair. Again, I mean no disrespect, but what do you do when your husband just plain sucks?

    • This situation is exactly why I put the preface before the post that this only applies to good men, that treat you well, that you love, in a good marriage. I am so sorry for your situation. I agree with you. He sounds like a dirt bag and I despise him on your behalf. I agree with everything you say, we are breathing people with souls, ideas and limits. A man that can’t or won’t understand that has rendered himself completely undeserving of you.

      Did you read my companion article ?

      So what do you do when your husband just plain sucks? I guess there are no general answers. Sometimes you leave, sometimes you stay till the kids are grown. I can’t say what I would do in your situation. From the outside looking in, I would consider divorce. But I know that everything is always so much more complicated when you are in it. And I understand that sometimes there are reasons to stay.I do think I would demand couples counseling.

      I am thinking of you, Melissa and hope you get everything you need and deserve. So much sooner than later.



    • Just Another Husband

      If he is a dirtbag why are you still married? There is this new thing called divorce!

  52. Two and a half years of marriage and we haven’t missed a day yet. :) It really is the best.

  53. I am so happy I read this post. My boyfriend of 4 years let me know that he doesn’t feel like a man because I always refuse to have sex with him. We have a 4 year old daughter that just started school. I also work full time and go to school full time. We used to have great sex all the time until lately. We would only have sex once a month. He said, it feels like he has to beg for sex. :( I have just been really tired and stressed out with everything that I have to do.

  54. To me, this was one of the best lines ever written about this subject.

    “Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare) and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My goodness, what a crazy way to live.”

    How true!! How many trillions of dollars have been spent on books, movies, TV show productions, etc that show romance that (whether it is actually seen or not) lead to making love!!!! it is LIFE.

    If so, then, how come some people don’t want to do it when they can? We’re missing out!!!

  55. I really appreciate this blog. I’ve fallen into a big depression as we have a 5 month old and my wife is always tired. We have gotten intimate maybe two or three times in the past five months. No touching, no cuddling, no real kissing. I can understand that she’s tired, and I’ve been searching for several days now on how to cope with the depression (I hate feeling like this) and how to better support her (I do most of the house chores anyways, take care of the baby, etc) But this is tearing me apart. I miss her so terribly bad. We’ve talked about it, but I don’t think she understands, how important this is, and how hurt I am. It has gotten to the point that sometimes I have no desire to eat nor to go to work.

    What actually killed me is when she told me “there is no time for us.”

    Its almost 3am, still searching, seeking help. Would love my wife to read this, but I would get kind of embarrassed.

  56. The moment I met her – set up on a blind date in August 1986 I was smitten. She was tiny, cute as can be, nice figure from a good family. We started going out with a bit of grouping at her parents house following soon there after. In a short time I found out that she liked receiving oral sex – but was not at all fond of providing it. I found I was rather skilled at delivering though and we were having a pretty good time. We went out for almost two years like that not really getting anywhere until we got engaged where she would finally let me get some sex. We were married in 1989 – sex never really was that good – she would hurry me along saying I was hurting her – we were stuck with condoms for at least a year until after a row I finally got her on the pill and at least I was enjoying it a bit more if not very often. She would sleep in sweat pants, and a T shirt or a sweat shirt over it – cotton panties under it and in the summers a T shirt and boxers over cotton panties – it was like sleeping with a GUY and I was not happy – sex was infrequent – and that was one word not two. When she was bugging me for a baby she dropped taking the pill and oh sex increased all right – when it was close to ovulating – it took a good long while for it to take and I was getting used to a bit more frequency – even if she was dressing like a guy at least I was getting laid more often. Then she got pregnant and wham – cut right off – cold turkey for the duration and for some time afterwards too – that would have been 94 and now I was a father. Back to condoms – disgusting condoms. No feeling for me – lousy for her and infrequent lousy sex. Until she wanted child number two – and then sex increased – I was a bit smarter – I was getting laid – and would not cum in her – but at least I was getting laid. I keep this going for at least six months until she was getting desperate – I capitulated and bingo – pregnant. This time she permitted sex during the pregnancy and I have to admit it was pretty good – at this point it was over a year without condoms but shortly after the birth of our second child back to condoms and a reduction in frequency as well. Condoms suck for both men and women in committed relationships – they remove a huge percentage of the pleasure and feeling. We struggled and she kept coming to bed dressed like a guy – I hated it, we fought about it – the second pregnancy scare was the low point – at a point that my business prospects were lousy, our marriage was lousy and we were terribly unhappy. At the second scare – I insisted – with the help of a women’s clinic who helped that she be fitted with an IUD. Well no condoms was a HUGE improvement in sensation – but she was still coming to bed like a guy and sex was still infrequent. We still fought – a lot about everything. I got involved in a business deal and I scored pretty well. The mortgage was paid off, there was plenty of cash in the bank I was in a new business – things were pretty good but sex still sucked. I was looking at porn I was not happy but one afternoon I stumbled past a small lingerie shop. I thought about that place for a few days and one day on the way back from the office I decided to stop in – the place was owned by an elderly lady and it was filled with women – including one lady who knew my Wife and my Mother in Law and Me – I could not care less I was there for a reason and I was not going to leave. I stood out like a sore thumb but I stood my ground and waited until all the ladies had been served and had left and then the owner turned her attention to me. I had had time to check out the shops selection and had decided – An ivory silk and lace camisole – short, a cover up and some lace panties – not totally sheer but close enough. The owner gave me her approval on my tasteful selection she wrapped each piece in tissue and placed it in a gift box with a ribbon on it. In the car it went and I went home with my box. I quietly brought it in the house and parked that box right on her pillow. There was “what is this” from my Wife – I said it is a present and I want you to wear it to bed. For once she listened and came out of the bathroom looking like a woman – a hot woman and under the covers she went – I reached for her, massaged, ate her but good and we had a reasonably satisfying bout of marital relations. The next night – sweats and a T shirt. That one set of lingerie became a flag – I would lay it on her pillow and sometimes she wore it – sometimes not – when not I would go sleep on the couch and be an ass and we would fight about it. Sometimes she would get dressed in the outfit and come get me in the morning and we would get frisky – that out fit was my flag.
    We kept this up and I purchased a few more things – I did a lot of research into what I liked and what fit what I could get away with and what she felt comfortable in. I read her size off of bras panties etc. I researched on line and started with some Victoria’s secret – but frankly their stuff is crap quality but it was good enough for a start. I read and researched more and learned a lot more about lingerie and studied my Wife. She hated getting undressed particularly having her panties removed for sex – certain lingerie styles provide intimate access with no need for undressing – I was wiling to do what ever it took to get our sex life revved up – the more I got the more I wanted and I studied her and what it took to get her off – a lot of foreplay – loads of oral sex, fingers, mouth tongue – two fingers up there plus a tongue, the right motion – patience and staying with it until she had an orgasm – always – then it was my turn. After the lingerie collection had a base I was going from once a week to twice a week and she found it was easier to comply than put up with me being an ass. I was selecting what she was to wear and she was wearing it – complaining mind you but wearing it. I kept shopping – teddies, longer gowns – really classic elegant stuff – very respectful – the teddies were cool and panties – and I discovered tap panties – French knickers – and kept shopping and kept researching and learning and kept laying out the new stuff twice a week – she kept complaining but a bit less and she was dressing for bed and sex twice a week – and we found we liked morning sex better than night time. Our relationship out side the bedroom was getting way better along with the improvement in our sex lives. I would wake her early for sex when she was dressed properly. I went for three days one week and reverted – she went along with it – I gradually snuck in a few extra days – she went along with it – there were six months there were I slowly cranked it up to every second day – she was enjoying herself and she said she wanted to choose what she was to wear to bed – I said fine. We kept this going for another six months – she sometimes dressed three days in a row then reverted to every other day going back to cotton panties and sweats and boxers every other day I kept shopping and doing a good job of it. One day – the cotton panties, the sweats all sort of disappeared – unless she had her period – she decided that she was enjoying herself enough that she would dress for bed like a lady – every evening and every morning we would make love. That was about five years ago. I had my doubts I was fifty by this time – I had no idea if I could keep up this pace – turns out I could and still can. Turns out that the more practice you get the better you get at it. Every night a different outfit – nice stuff too and loads of variety – I found a rosewood lingerie chest – she went with me to buy it – I organized it for her – panties, panty girdles, teddies, short nightgowns, tap panties. I keep it in order too. A rack for long gowns – there are perhaps sixty of them, loads of stuff – summer things, winter things – they all get used – some are more of her favourites than others but through all of this our marriage got better along with our intimate lives. I never masturbate, I do not look at porn – I don’t need to – I never look at other women – I don’t have to – I have everything I want and everything I can handle with my Wife and while it took a long time to get there – it was worth it. I decided I was not going to keep putting up with less than a full life and with good birth control – and being very focused on the issues and quite stubborn…. And making sure that she really was enjoying herself and gradually was able to control a significant portion of the decisions related to our intimate lives – she controls most of the agenda and has so for years now – and it happens to work. One step at a time but there was an idea and there was a plan and it had to fit with what she wanted and was going along with. Look there are no crotch less panties, no corsets, no stockings and garters – she does not want them so you have to know what fits but within parameters – well I would not trade where we are at with anyone – anywhere. You have to recognise when you have it very good and what happy really looks like – and we are there. Oh and every day is off to a very good start. We have a very strong and very good marriage now – better than at any time ever before. Oh and I keep shopping and she keeps choosing what to wear from her wardrobe. I love my Wife. Oh – and that cute girl with the perfect figure – is still a very cute girl with exactly the same perfect figure. Sometimes everything just works out. Sometimes it needs some help.

  57. I like the article, but sex will not be every night as you age. I’ve been married for 17 years. We are still deeply in love, but I really don’t know If I should initiate sex after 19 workin hours. He is sleeping right now. I’d love to treat him like a rodeo bull. Even so, waking him at sun up seems a bit cruel. I don’t ask for lovin because he works so hard. He often expresses the desire for more fun, we begin, then he falls asleep. I know he isn’t bored. His first job is extremely hot and laborious. He will wake suddenly to profusely apologize then out cold again. He is so tall, tan, and sexy! It kills me to wait until Saturday nights on his day off. He claims to be a terrible husband and doesn’t know why I don’t find a rich man. Hello you kill yourself for me, have never had a harsh word towards me, and love me fat/ugly when you look like a Greek god. Admittedly, sex isn’t always good for me emotionally. We go to dinner where waitresses or other women assume I must be his sister/cousin. My confidence isn’t great anyway. Our twins are 16, mouth cancer (recovered but dental ouch) so yeah my body is old news. :( He always introduces me but the shock on their faces is painfully obvious. He has never cared about beauty much. He wishes I’d ditch makeup but the artist in me must create. We are very close from being products of the foster care system and high school sweethearts. We do talk about 99% of our lives. I don’t want to put a guilt trip on him when he is already given so much. He joked he could quit his second job, but I had to pick which child would not be attending University. Older couples: Does the sex frequency increase/decline with an empty nest?

  58. I love this post! I got on birth control shortly after my son was born and my boyfriend and I literally never had sex. We couldn’t even think how long it had been in between our sexy time. I eventually got off the birth control and wanted to regain my sexuality. It is different after a baby, but thinks are always going to change. You need to keep some things the same (ahem, sex.) for the change to seem less scary and stressful.

    I got pregnant at 19 because my boyfriend and I had so much sex (and weren’t being careful, obviously). It feels good to want each other again.

  59. Yes, sex everyday would be ideal. However, in my husband and I’s circumstance we hardly ever have sex because it hurts. There’s nothing wrong with my anatomy mind you. Just take a guess, I’ll give you a hint- Gonzo… We enjoy sex yes but it literally hurts, both of us.

  60. I love this! All women should read this. My husband and I have sex everyday. If we miss a day we both think its weird!

  61. Some where above it was said men food, sleep and sex! This what I thought when we were married 45 years ago. Some how my husband was poured from another mold. The guy I married needed food, sleep and to be left alone. The sex part left the marriage right after the wedding night. We never had sex before we were married, just the make out stuff. The day after our wedding he told me he hated sex, and no interest in in. It was gross, messy, smelly, disgustingly awful. He couldn’t understand how two grown people could do something so horrible. Further more he said he didn’t want to experence it ever again. Those were his last words about the subject, he did say he was moving to the basement and building his own place where he didn’t have to deal with me and it was quite. And to add insult to injury he started working the midnight shift so he wouldn’t have to be in the house with at night.
    That’s been my whole married life, I should have stayed single or walked away from him. But I was young and stupid and thought that I could fix this problem. Well I didn’t, so in my mid 60’s now and really don’t care anymore about what happens to him or me.

    • Amy, you are a far stronger spouse than I am. I could not handle that and would have left for the courthouse for an annulment the moment the conversation was over regardless of what was socially acceptable of the times. I commend you on your loyalties to the bond of marriage and I hope that your husband can somehow find a way to open his eyes to the benefits of intimacy regardless of your age. I personally know two couples in there 80s that still have PLENTY of intimacy. It’s never too late to start.

      • I agree with Meg, I could not have stayed with someone who treated me like your husband in name only. I stayed married to an abusive alcoholic for like 16 years. He was a fireman, a captain paramedic. He started drinking at 9am when his shift was over. He didn’t stop drinking until he passed out. And if I got in his way while he was drinking, he was a mean drunk. Incredibly abusive. I kept trying to fix things. I tried for years, nothing ever helped, until I helped myself with counseling, Al Anon, therapy. I finally understood the 12 Steps, that we cannot change anyone but ourselves. And God Grant Me The Serenity to Change the things I can… He never changed. I finally left and started my life over.
        After years of therapy and counseling, I got better, he never did.
        I heard from his 2nd wife, after me, that he spent the last three years of his life drinking himself to death.
        Your husband was broken when you met him.
        He didn’t bother to share that part of himself with you. Why did he get married if he felt so badly about being married? He was hiding something in himself.

        Amy your life is not over. You can make a new start. Life is too rich and too wonderful to just roll over and die. Your life is too precious even at this stage of your life to give up and die. Go find your life.
        You are here on this forum because you want to live and you want some help. Go find it. Its out there. Love, Life, Help, and happiness.
        I did it. I found the best man on the planet and Oh la la! I love having sex with him.
        I cannot wait until he gets home some days.
        I see his car in the drive and its like being 16 years old and I cannot wait to hug and love on him. Go find your life. You don’t need that abuse. And that is what it is. Abuse.

    • Move out now! Get happy get your spark back! It’s not too late you are so bitter now I hope you can bring back your honey. Don’t let a man determine your future dam it woman get off your ass and do something, otherwise your a lost cause. You have a choice it’s yours to make. If you decide to stay don’t complain you made that choice. Divorce him and move the f$$$ on. He’s probably been molested, raped or gay, or some guilty Christian guilt trip. Go heal yourself get away woman run. Sex will still be wonderful for you if you let it and take a couple of years to get back your body in shape because I imagine your overweight with this situation, depression will do that. Then date without expectation. Watch the best marigold hotel movie, it will help inspire you. I have compassion for you but little tolerance. It’s always a choice. Don’t they that shit beat you down he’s an abuser, a passive abuser.

  62. Haven’t had sex in about six months, so almost sent this to my wife. Not sure that would be received with much enthusiasm, though. Still, thanks for broaching these topics–you’ve obviously tapped into a place where there’s a lot of pain out there!

  63. My wife and I have been together since 2003, we’ve been married for the last five, we have one child and another on the way. It was all so fun in the younger years, sex every day, sometimes four or five times a day and for at least an hour every time. I got a job that took me away and we managed to maintain our relationship for a time then things went south. She started a new relationship with a different man and I did what I could to enjoy my time of being single. She was as active with her new man as she was with me. He took her for granted, started cheating, stealing the jewelry that I bought for her and pawning it for drug money, she ended the relationship and we somehow found each other again. We kinda rushed into a marriage, and children (her request). I got married with the impression that our prior relationship years would be a fairly accurate preview of our coming relationship years with some additional changes. Young, naive me. Sex is a rarity now, stress is an all time high, I’m more emotionally withdrawn due to broken promises and rejection than I ever thought possible, and when I voice my needs, my answer is “get over it, Deal with it, Go F@$K someone else, ETC. I married her, I desire her, but I am in every way at the rock bottom of her priority list despite everything that I do to take the work load off of her and free up more of her time. I did not get married with the intentions of being an occasionally procreating pair of room mates that share bills and I don’t know what to do anymore. I have been rejected for so many things (not just sex) so many times, that I refuse to take the first step and put my neck under the guillotine anymore for the blade is sure to fall. I Corinthians 7:5

  64. Great stuff, I wish every woman on earth could hear this oh and if there are any men who aren’t getting any here’s your last resort

    • getting any what? Sex is not just a physical thing.. hook up .. get it.. and its over. Sex if you actually read what happens to people when they have sex there is a chemical bonding that happens to a man and a woman during sex. A woman actually feels bonded to the man she is with and he with her. When we have casual sex, a woman can pretend that it doesn’t affect her but being an emotional creature sex really does hold her heart. She is giving a part of herself to this man and she bonds to him.
      To just go out and get sex.. get laid.. that is junk. No wonder our culture is so skewed. No wonder marriages are such train wrecks.

      Its because of the actual bonding that happens when people have sex that we should not go out and get some :( Sexual bonding ~ We can’t make that up, we can’t create that bond ~it happens because of a very Creative Designer. Go take a cold shower

      “Oxytocin in the book by Barbara Wilson – The Invisible Bond, and I was like noooo way! I never knew that, as she called it, there was a ‘Human Super Glue’ chemical. It glues you to your partner. It has to do a lot with Sex being linked more mentally than to just the physical act. However Oxytocin is released during sexual arousal.
      Oxytocin is a chemical that is released in your brain that causes you to feel trust, trustworthiness, and bonding to the person that you are with.*
      This goes to show that a deeper connection is made with your sexual partner, and the more of those sexual partners you have the more you destroy the chance to bond and gain total trust with one single marriage partner. It is also believed that you may well begin searching for more and more of this ‘trust / sexual bonding’, sort of like a drug and you begin needing more and more of it, this is when outside of a marriage relationship.

      Another line of thought, is that this ‘release’ of Oxytocin see’s you becoming attached to the ‘stimulant’ that is causing this chemical release, and that ‘stimulant’ should only be your marriage partner. “

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  67. 1 Corinthians 7:4-5
    “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

    Ladies and gents. Sex is like eating. When you’ve had a regular healthy meal you don’t go running off to gorge on junk food (well at least it would seem far less likely for the majority). But when you are starved you are way more likely to obsess about food and grab whatever you can eat. Same goes for sex. When you hear a “tomorrow” or “later” time after time from your spouse it really hurts and makes you feel insecure and doubt the faithfulness. The partner can wonder why is he/ she not interested in sex anymore. Is he/she getting their needs met elsewhere? It can lead to a bitter feeling that leads to acting out in unfaithful activity. Is it really worth 5, 10, 20, 30 minutes of sleep or to sleep later, or to push yourself further in endurance to bear the lifelong heartache of an affair or a pornography/ prostitutes addiction?? Bottom line is: When one initiates they other MUST say yes. No if’s or buts about it! There’s no “I like it in the morning”, or “I like it once a week” when the other wants it in the evening or every day. If there is discomfort tell him to do something different or take it more slow to get you more wet or use a lubricant first. Just talk don’t shut him out!!! Use it or LOSE IT ladies! The less you have sex the less you crave it! You don’t like it do NOT marry!!! Simple as that. I speak from experience.

    “Women who have sex with themselves or a partner have better vaginal lubrication and elasticity of vaginal tissues than those who are abstaining, wrote More frequent sex also goes a long way in boosting a woman’s enjoyment of sex.”

    So what does this come down to. The woman has less desire, enjoys it less, and frustrates her man. Domino effect of problems!

    Another thing:

    A woman often withdraws because she is hurt, worried, tired, or stressed:
    1) It relieves stress!
    2) You will sleep like a baby after a good cum or two!
    3) It’s FREE so stop worrying about money and enjoy this FREE gift!
    4) It builds intimacy. Yes we should resolve heated arguments before making love. But why not have a deep talk after making love!?

  68. Matthew Pastrana

    Wow i think my chick needs some serious help! We have a beautiful daughter cataleya and since before her i cooked cleaned groceries etc. Now that my baby is here bout to be 2 in May. I do all these things and parent my baby girl. And still to this very day i always have and still am the sex initiator. If not for me we would not have our daughter. That so boring after almost 5 years. She’s just now tired of seeing her sexy little pettite body thats now a little flabby from the baby and just laziness. I don’t want to leave cause of my daughter but if i do my pretty much wife wont be able to keep a roof over hers and my babies head Ive tried talking but its nothing but insults to her. This leads me to find my excitement elsewhere an that’s not me. I have a big sexual appetite and you dont have to ask me to pleasure you i just do it and i never had any complaints. If im sitting here and think of past sexual experiences with exes or one nighters somethings gotta be wrong. What do i do from Here

    • Matthew Pastrana

      Guess there are no suggestions….

    • You become a giver. You start doing for your wife, everything you wish she would do for you. You stop waiting to be served, you start serving. I learned this by reading Why Should I Be The First To Change ? I must have underlined every line in that books because it is so opposite of everything we learn about marriage. We keep waiting for the other person to meet our needs. How bout we get there first and we love .. without any reward at first. Bring home the flowers.. bring home her favorite food, her favorite fragrance.. little tiny touches that would hardly be noticed.. you do. You go back to what it was that you loved about her in the first place. Why did you want to know her? What was it about her that made you want to be with her? You go back and you love. Sometimes you do it anyway because the feeling isn’t there you still do it. And you stay married because you made a promise for better for worse in sickness and in health, richer for poorer. You made a promise. Keep it. Go watch Fireproof the movie. Don’t watch it like a movie, watch it for the message. Listen to what it has to say. Read the book The Love Dare. And read Why should I be the first to change ? You, do what you can.. give it a chance and see what happens. It works. Love, real genuine unselfish love, whats in it for me love, works. I dare you.. The Love Dare.

      • oops.. not “what’s in it for me love” .. real love, sacrificial love, the kind where a guy will lay down his life for someone he loves. That kind of love. A woman wants to be romanced, loved, seduced. What have you done lately to win the heart of this woman with whom you have a child?

        Try it, all you can do is try.

  69. This was even faster than I could dream of, dr.rivers( Thank you for taking time to listen to me and answering all my emails. I feel emotional strong again. My confidence is back and I see my future clearly. I am forever grateful for your help for re-uniting me with my old lover.

    mark Andersen, Seattle, new york

  70. I just commented under another of your articles. I like that you do say it goes both ways, that BOTH partners have to work on things.

    Some more thoughts:

    1. This is true. My wife has admitted it. It’s understandable. I think even a man’s libido is reduced somewhat by being a dad, but by much less of a degree than a typical woman. Yes, there are exceptions of course. However, it’s like this for us – I went from wanting it daily to wanting is maybe 2-3X a week (I could do even more, but that’s my realistic ideal, if it makes sense). She went from wanting it may be 1-2 times per week to essentially not at all, or, at best, maybe once every 6-8 weeks or so. So a disparity that already existed got wider. We have had some discussions about this, she is open to the idea of a “getaway” to clear her mind, but our kids are too young yet for us to go away a whole weekend without them. There has to be some way to clear her head from the daily grind sometimes. I just don’t know what it is. Sounds like your suggestion is that she just “make” herself do it, and then, it will come, that reminder of the rest of who she is.

    2. My wife is pretty good at this. The “seeing naked” part…she does, but not in a “sexual” way, it’s usually in passing as she gets out of the shower, or is changing, etc. Ladies – even if you feel fat, or flabby, or have stretch marks, your man, your husband, unless he’s just a total d-bag, WANTS to see you naked, flaws (which he doesn’t see as flaws, he sees it as “part of the woman he loves and WANTS), and all.

    3. We are trying to do this. Even scheduling it. It’s difficult – we both work, and usually by the time the kids are asleep, and we clean up and do daily household stuff, it’s time to skeep, because the alarm is going off in 6 hours.

    4. YES – I’ve said this to my wife.

    5. Been working on convincing my wife of this. I’ve actually said she should “loosen up” a bit, and this is one of the ways. Maybe not the best choice of words, but she did agree with me.

    I actually think sex is like exercise. Sometimes, you just don’t feel like it. Even the first few times you do it, but then, you realize, WOW, it’s energizing, you feel better, and you can’t live without it.

  71. Meg – any truth to this, or is it psychobabble B.S, pardon the expression?

    I don’t buy this at all, I just don’t. Not with my wife (even early in the relationship) or other women I had dated. Sure, many had decent libidos, my wife included at one time, but to say they were “really strong” or stronger than mine (and I’m by no means the horniest man in the world, my sex drive is middling my male standards) is a HUGE stretch.

  72. Sex every day some one is smoking some thing illegal.
    Not every one is lucky enough to have sex every day let alone two people wanting to have sex every day.
    I’m on the other end of the scale and it hasn’t been a pretty sight. Married 46 years and we did have sex once, my first, last and only time, husband thought sex was disgusting and so in humanly ugly. He lived our whole married life in our basement and he worked the midnight shift as much as he could. Its been decades since we said any thing to each other

  73. Once a day, some one is smoking something illegal.
    I’ve been married 46 years and only had sex once ! He has never slept with me, he lives in our basement and works midnights, all holidays, weekends takes no vacation. Really to old to care any more about him or anything. Just waiting to roll over and pass away.

    • Amy

      I am so sorry for your situation. You obviously need some attention.

      I used to know a realtor lady who lived in the same house as her husband. She lived in one end of the house and he lived in the other end of the house. they never spoke to each other. She told me she didn’t even like him, but they lived in the same house. I never understood that. But it sounds like you.
      You need to do something that feels good for yourself. Get out of your rut, your comfort zone and go buy yourself flowers. Do your hair, buy a new fragrance that you love.. do something for yourself. You cannot change another person, or make them behave the way you want them to, but you can take care of yourself and love yourself. Love yourself today.. whatever it takes. Go back to some time in your life when you did something and you liked your life, liked who you were, art, cooking, sewing, find yourself again. When we love ourselves and we have fun with ourselves and enjoy our lives, others find us interesting and want to know what it is that makes us who we are. I don’t know what to tell you about the guy in the basement smoking something illegal.. but life is too short, too rich, too valuable to throw away. Go find your life and live :)

    • I don’t think you are a real person, it’s gotta be a fake response. No one does that, is your husband living in a box or chained up in the basement.

    • Just Another Husband

      I call BS on this comment. Either that or these two live the saddest life ever. Perhaps an arranged marriage for a green card? Or maybe he is gay (or you a lesbian?) Something seriously wrong here.

  74. Hi Meg!
    I was just curious my husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2! We have a 3 yr old and one on the way. And I was seeing about how all men need is too eat, sleep & sex lol I agree. But this pregnancy I don’t feel like doing anything at all and I feel so bad for him cause I just don’t have the urge to do anything. With my last pregnancy I was totally diff. I always wanted it but now I don’t and I don’t know what to do to make up for that! Any advice would help!

    • Girl! Times and seasons for everything! Intimacy comes in many forms, hold his hand, snuggle, be there physically even if you can’t get yourself to feel like having sex (which is soooo normal during pregnancy). Also? As to the food? Order lots of pizzas and keep the fridge stocked with sandwich supplies. Easy ways to feed you and your family. (I’m sure he’d also be delighted to make dinner, too!) The jump from one baby to two is such a doozy and so much fun after all the crazy dies down. Congratulations on the upcoming baby!

  75. I loved reading this. For years, yes years! I put my relationship with my husband on hold. The baby came first, I looked too fat for my husband to see me naked anymore. And my hormones were changing. I was like someone else I was reading about, I could care less about sex.
    But I started taking some Bio-identical hormone replacement therapy and wow! I got my feelings back. I read articles about how good it is to have sex. It will extend your life by like 8 – 10 years if you have a regular sex life. So I started talking to my husband about it and he was wary. He had turned that part of himself off. he just went to work, was a dad, did whatever guys do, with not much in the way of sex. So I bought clothes, sexy clothes. Nighties, thigh high stockings.. etc. And I started reading everything I could about sex and how to be sexy again. And gradually my husband came around. We are having the time of our lives. And as Meg says in this blog it is a blast. I am having the time of my life. I wish I could have sex with my husband every night but he has to get up so early for work every morning that we have to put it off until a more reasonable time. And spending time with my husband, staying in bed all morning long just having sex, talking and cuddling, I love this man more now than ever. And I have had to apologize to him because I never knew how much he, ( guys in general ) need sex. I am so sorry for not being there for him. Tired, babies, busy, work.. its not worth it. Being there for this man.. I love it and I will always be there for him and with him. Its not a chore. Its downright fun and I am having a blast.

  76. Hi
    I’m married since 11 years n I don’t really recollect a single day without having sex accept the two deliveries n some hospitalizations .m so happy that someone is really there thoughts matches with me.i do tell my frnds that we have sex each night n their reactions are…..what…how…..gone crazy…..yeah m crazy coz I love my boy……not the sex n can’t stay without touching him… love is the rythm of life

  77. Brilliant. This should be followed up with an article about how husbands ought to talk to their wives everyday. The best thing my wife and I every did was commit 15 mins of alone time with each other as soon as we get home from work. Just to talk or vent or laugh or whatever. We really connect and sometimes we spend an hour just relating. If you ladies think daily sex is intimidating, well let’s just say I had to get used to it. But now I am the one pestering my wife about it. Oh yeah, sex! Yup a lot more of it and very effortlessly. It is all about being in a relationship, the talking and the sex and the togethering are all related. Can’t have one without the rest.

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  79. This article is just fantastic. I just so happen to be with someone who would read it and just laugh at me. Same deal here in the beginning, sex, sex, sex. Now Maybe once every month or 3. I have tried talking about it. I am always told it’s a good idea, until it’s time to have sex. We also had a great conversation about scheduling two days a week where it happens no matter what. She was excited about it until that day came around. I was then told that she didn’t have to follow any schedule. I am not the hottest guy on the planet but I am handsome and extremely loyal. For those kind of women reading this I am not horrible in bed and I always make hers the first priority. Getting rejected over and over, swallowing my pride and going for it again and being rejected, really takes a toll on a mans self worth, esteem, etc. Women and men(from some other planet where men reject sex) Sex is so important. If my wife were to have sex with me even once per week(2 positions, no oral ever, minimal foreplay :( I would feel so much better about EVERYTHING.

  80. if you’re a man and you’re wife isn’t willing to have sex every night, I don’t think it’s fair on you to force her into doing.. this concept of scheduling sex straightforward but women aren’t machines.. you need to appreciate that some nights she will genuinely be tired, or angry, or not in the mood etc..

    i think it’s much fairer and more reasonable to have multiple wives.. 2 or 3 would be good, all living within the same neighbourhood.. if one isn’t in the mood, you can just pop over to another one’s house.. if you get rejected by 3 wives in the same night, there’s probably something wrong with you.

    just my 2 cents.

  81. Some women are just bitches. I work like a dog, which means she doesn’t have to, that’s fine and my idea. I spend every home moment playing with or helping with my kids. Can I get a root when I want one? No. Do I give a fuck how much “fun” it is for her? No. Should it be a problem for her to open her mouth and stick my cock in it from time to time? I don’t fucken think so. She has a free fucken ride thanks to me. A brand new house. Two beautiful kids. It’s fucken bullshit. I’m fucken divorcing her anyway. Just thought I’d let you cunts know so you feminists can see what happens. My money’s all hidden too so she ain’t getting shit. FUCK YOUR HUSBAND WHENEVER HE WANTS..!!!!

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  85. This is a really well-written piece, and so interesting! I don’t necessarily agree with all parts of it, but I understand your point of view. Can’t wait to share this and discuss with friends!

  86. Hi, Meg. I sometimes think straight people could learn a lot from gay men. While there are always outliers, for most couples, sex is a given.

    Thanks for writing this, Meg, because it, and its companion post, tell straight people what most gay men have known for years; “now” is all the time you can count on with your partner. Life has a way of destroying plans; enjoy each other today. What are you waiting for?

  87. Not sure anyone has asked you this yet, but EVERYDAY, even when aunt flo is visiting? This may be TMI, but it is sex we’re talking about so TMI is out the door. You either don’t flow heavily during that time of the month, don’t have aunt flo visiting any longer or do other sexual acts during that time of the month. I can honestly say, there is nothing going inside my cootch when blood is gushing out, but a tampon.

    As for a daily form of intimacy, that I totally get. My hubbie and I kiss daily, tweak each others rears (almost daily), or grope one another; we caress each other and rub each others back or arms or legs. There is always some form of touch and that I can honestly say happens everyday, of every month, of every year.

    • Just Another Husband

      For me as a guy, the thought of sex during “her time” seems just bad, but give a guy a boner and the care goes out the window.

      For my wife, 95% of the time it would be a no. I never pursue sex when its that time, but occasionally she does, and who am I to complain!

  88. Men are dogs. It sounds like an insult, but when you actually look at it from a pet owner perspective, it’s pretty accurate. And if women would allow themselves to have a bit of a paradigm shift by looking at their husbands from that perspective, maybe they would come to realize what they are doing to them by constantly shutting them down.

    If you switch “walks” or “play” (with your dog), to “sex” or “good sex” (with your husband), you see how they are virtually the same.

    Every dog trainer in the world will tell you that a dog needs exercise or it will grow restless and start to become unmanageable. Just watch an episode of The Dog Whisperer! A good dog owner will take their dog for a walk every day, and usually a weekend excursion to a dog park for a treat so the dog can really burn off any excess energy. They do this rain or shine. Why? Because the dog needs it. And the dog loves it! And studies have shown that dog owners live longer, healthier lives, primarily due to the added exercise that is required in order to take care of a dog properly.

    Those daily walks are more than just mindlessly walking around the block. Daily walks strengthen the bond between you and your dog. Sure, the dog wants to go out for a walk no matter who is taking them, but he’s coming to you with the leash in his mouth. He wants you to take him. You are the one he wants to be with. When everyone is sitting around the living room watching a movie, he wants to be at your feet. Why? Because you give him what he needs and that bond is strengthened every day.

    So what happens when you don’t take your dog out for daily walks? A day or two might not hurt, but over the long haul, that neglect will start to manifest itself in undesireable behaviour. You will punish the dog, you will scold the dog, you will be angry and resentful of the dog.

    Gradually, that dog will no longer bring you the leash with that look of joy and excitement in his eyes. He will be dejected. Did you know that neglect can break a dog’s spirit? They get depressed and distant, and often become destructive.

    Husbands are the same way. When he is constantly turned down and rejected, eventually he will stop trying. You will break his spirit. Even the most faithful and loving husband can gradually turn resentful and lash out. Maybe not by destroying property, but maybe by destroying the marriage. He wants you. He wants to feel wanted and respected and cared for, or it will drive him away. You can’t just let the dog outside in the back yard to play by himself and think that’s good enough. He will not be satisfied. He needs you to spend that time with him.

    Properly caring for your dog and properly caring for your husband will usually result in the same thing too: undying loyalty and a desire to please that knows no bounds.

    Neglect the needs of your dog, or your husband, and you will eventually find that you have a problem on your hands.

    You know what they say: there are no bad dogs, only bad owners.

  89. “They need to be fed, they need to be appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really.”

    I am sorry that the men in your life are not emotionally complex, but please don’t stereotype all of us.

    • Just Another Husband


      Those are certainly the main building blocks. If I get these three I am generally happy.

      Yes my life has so much more, and I love it all. Food is a given, but when my wife appreciates things I do, and when we have sex, it certainly puts me in my happy place every time.

  90. Hey all,
    Not sure if anyone will get to my comment, and she did touch briefly on this matter in the post, but this expectation makes it really hard when something hits the fan, like a chronic illness or something like that. I like sex, I was never an every nighter, but I did my best. I am no chronically ill and in pain 24/7. I am beyond tired, trust me I now know the difference. I cannot have sex very often anymore and yes it kills me that it hurts my husband, but because of things like this and well just testosterone, he doesn’t understand. I could be writhing in pain and up will pop, a “hey baby, wanna…”. That makes me feel so very small, like my only worth in this world is a vagina and a set of boobs. Like my suffering is not worth anyone’s concern or empathy or even the slightest courtesy. I think you should make the point of a woman’s well-being more of a valid point in whether or not she should be expected to have sex. Sometimes pushing one’s self to do something they don’t feel like doing can lead to feelings of embitterment and begrudging. It can make a woman grow to dislike something she once enjoyed! Please guys do your best to consider your wife’s needs as well as your own and see what kind of compromises or other things you can do together if she can’t give you sex. And women, be considerate of other women who may not be the sex goddess you are.

  91. I am so late to the party on this! My husband just shared this on my Facebook wall today and at first I snickered, thinking it was just some sexist thing about how women should give men sex without regard for whether or not they really want to do it and blah, blah, blah that he shared as a joke…but I was so pleased when I actually read it because I FEEL LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME. The total lack of femininity? The wilty flower? Yep! That’s me!

    Our daughter was born almost ten months ago and it’s difficult for me to have the energy or desire for sex after the day is over. And for some reason he is far more into me now than he was before I had a kid. He’s transformed into a teenager and I so appreciate his enthusiasm and it’s super flattering, especially when I’ve got boogers and spit up and what ever else on my clothes and in my hair. But it’s hard for me to get past that insecurity and exhaustion. This actually really helps me feel better! It’s nice to know it’s a shared experience with other mothers. So thank you for posting this. I’m sure you’ve had negative reactions, but I think it’s pretty great! :)

  92. My boyfriend and I recently moved in together for the first time, and already I feel like I’m pushing him away from having sex more often. Sometimes it’s because I’m tired – I work hard, and (on occasion) don’t feel like moving when I get home. Sometimes it’s because I’m not in the mood – although he will insist he can change my mind. And sometimes I just want a night to myself.

    This article has been a bit of an eye-opener. Our relationship is still so new! We don’t have kids (and won’t for a loooong time), we’re both in our early 20’s, and should still young enough to enjoy ourselves/live life to the fullest.

    Thanks for putting things in perspective! I plan to step up my game =)

  93. My wife never thinks about sex. She likes it, but it’s never her idea. I think about it almost non stop. That’s how we are wired. The reason why my wife likes sex is because I make sure she is satisfied. Sex is about pleasing your partner. I am pleased when she is pleased. In fact I have much more enjoyment when she’s pleased. I’m gonna get mine regardless. The reason most women aren’t crazy about sex is because their husbands don’t take the time to make sure she has been taken care of in and out the bedroom.

  94. Meg… I totally agree with this post. I wish I could apply it to my life… I’ve tried.
    Here’s my problem. #5 doesn’t apply to me. It’s not fun. I don’t enjoy it. I’ve NEVER gotten off (with both pre-marriage relationships AND my husband). It’s not them, it’s me. I have no drive/desire.

    I’ve asked my OBGYN why and she just tells me “lots of women are like that” and moves on. I get nothing in return from her in the way of suggestions, direction, or anything.

    It’s been such a huge struggle for me, because it makes me feel like less of a woman. It makes me feel like a terrible wife. Then I start going mental wondering if my husband is going to stray because of it, and I know he never would but I can’t help but think it. I want to fix it, but seem to have no direction as to how.

  95. If your husband expects sex every night in exchange for doing basic things like washing dishes that HE helped dirty up or for bringing home a paycheck when you also bring home one, then he is pretty much a rutting pig. If you feel it is your duty to have sex with him every night because he brings home a paycheck, then you really are basically exchanging sex for money. I won’t name call but we all know what a person that exchanges sex for money is. I am assuming the author of this does not work outside the home and has probably never held down a job in her life.

    • Just Another Husband

      Not sure she said anywhere that he EXPECTS it every day….Just that once they started it made both their lives better and more intimate. How is that a bad thing?

  96. I saw the piece on GMA about your sex a Day agenda with your husband. What an awesome thing to do for each other. I quieried my wife as to when we will give it a try and we have decided September will be our Sex-a-Day month. I would like to hear from your husband to see what he did to prepare for his once a month duty…like did he eat oysters, and other types of shellfish to make sure that he was well loaded for the month?

    • Just Another Husband

      Ha! I read your last word as “mouth” accidently. Yikes. “month” certainly makes more sense… or does it..

      Good question though. Honestly I dream of sex every day, but not sure I could go a month. Things may not “work” properly. But maybe they would? Never tried that many days in a row with my wife (or alone!)

  97. I also saw this on GMA, and was really disappointed when they announced what you did every day for a month. I think this is really sad. If you feel like you have to have sex to have a good relationship, you need to work on somethings. We really need to get away from these kinds of ideas. Sex is demeaning and selfish, and by no means a very good way of showing love for your spouse.

    • Just Another Husband

      You’re crazy. It is certainly not demeaning or selfish. I feel sad for you.

      I also don’t believe she said you HAVE to have sex everyday for a good relationship. It was an experiment – and apparently a successful one!

      • I didn’t say anything about having sex everyday, either. I just think if you think you HAVE to have sex at all to have a happy relationship, you are missing out. There are so many more fulfilling things in life than sex.

        • Just Another Husband

          I disagree. Without sex most relationships would suffer greatly. I love my wife but I would not stay in a sexless relationship. It is a perfectly natural desire and part of our species and to sacrifice that is like killing a small part of you.

          • I feel sorry for both of you, then. You just proved to me how selfish sex can be. To base an entire relationship on whether or not you’re getting any is just messed up, in my opinion. I also disagree with your last sentence. I personally have never had any particular desire to have sex, but I don’t think that makes me less of a person.

    • Laura,

      If you’re married, either you or your husband are doing it wrong…

  98. Just Another Husband

    My wife will definitely have this link sent to her!!! Lets hope she listens!

    I do want to ad, that while we do have sex once or twice a week, the day after a fun evening I am far more useful around the house, and even more productive at work!

    If she wants me to clean the kitchen before I go to work, sex the night before almost guarantees it – I just feel like getting stuff done the day after.

    When we go through dry spells of a week or two, I know I get cranky, stressed, lazy, etc. I don’t try to be like that – it just happens. Sex does cure a lot of life’s problems – and while spending an hour plus doing the deed is fantastic, a 5 min quickie has the same “next-day” effect on me.

  99. Thank you for this article! I know I’m late to the game in finding this post, but I’ve been wanting to write about this topic for a long time.

    I have had numerous conversations take place where I am the odd one out, because I enjoy sex with my husband more than 3 times a week:(

    You are right…as a couple you have a responsibility to each other to figure it all out together. I would be in the same boat as these other women, if I was just doing my duty and laying there for his needs!

    Thank you again:) I’m not alone!

  100. My wife and I have done the 30 days in a row thing as well. We feel, much as you do, that taking time for intimacy is pretty important. Both of our kids our older now, in high school, but we’ve always set little sexual goals for ourselves. 30 days in a row was one…started out as every day for a week…then two weeks…then we made it to a month. 4 to 5 times a week is fairly normal now, and has been for most of our 15 years together.

    We also try other little “challenges.” Having sex at every half hour…with a year to complete the challenge (we went by starting time, heh). One year we did an orgasm every hour…that one was tricker. You had a 5 minute grace period. This year it’s oral sex…every year on the our for me, and every hour on the half hour for her. The fun part is the schedule wrangling to get the kids out of the house, haha.

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  10. 상견례닷컴 :: What Happened When My Husband And I Had Sex Every Day For A Month | 상견례닷컴 ::
  11. Husband And Wife Have Sex Everyday For One Month - MaseTV- Real NOT Ratchet Urban Entertainment News

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