Swipe it out

Next time, we’re flying.

Riley and I on our way to California, stuck in traffic just outside of Vegas:

Riley: It’s our fault. Who tries to drive through this part of Nevada on a Sunday afternoon? Of course it’s a parking lot. Hey can you get on the phone and see how far the traffic jam goes?

Me: Okay.

Five minutes later

Riley: So…how are things going over there? Figured it out yet? Need me to do it?

Me: I don’t need help. You asked me to do it. I will do it.

Five more minutes.

Riley: throat clearing

Me: Fine! Well, I tried Googling it. And then that didn’t really work because the only results were about traffic in Vegas. So then I went to the app store and tried to download a traffic app. But it is taking forever. My next move is to look up newscasts from Vegas and LA and hope that they mention this mess.

A beat of silence.

Riley: Or you could just go on google maps and see how far the red line goes past where we are.

Me: What? That exists?

Riley: You didn’t want any help.

Me: Well, alright…it goes pretty far past where we are…but I am not seeing a way to tell how much red line equals a mile. When I swipe across the screen it takes about four thumb swipes to get out of traffic. I would say they are relatively long thumb swipes, if that helps any.

Riley: Yep. Fifteen minutes to figure we were just four thumb swipes from getting out of traffic. We make a really good team.

Postscript: 4 thumbswipes ended up being 45 minutes.


  1. Megan, It’s not your fault. Google maps changed their webpage and it’s AWFUL! Terrible! An abomination to the human race. You are totally justified. I wish my computer worked in thumb swipes so I could at least guess where the transit stations are here….

    • I am going to copy and paste this comment and then send it to Riley. He needs to know! (Come back to Provo.)

  2. This is every car trip conversation between me and my husband.

  3. Typical thick woman

    • Hello anonymous!

      Your comments across my website have been SUPER insightful. Thanks so much for every single one of them!I mean, how would I have EVER known I am a “typical thick woman” without you pointing it out to me? I bet you are equally insightful with all the women in your real life.

      Best to you!


  4. Ok this is totally crazy because I was heading to Vegas a few weeks ago to fly out to Boise (home) and I saw this immense traffic jam because a semi truck had caught fire and it’s charred remains were being removed from the roadway. All the northbound traffic had been stopped for miles and miles and it seemed to go on forever> I kept driving past those long lines of cars thinking “I wish I could warn these people! Go back! Get some lunch! Play for a while so you don’t have to sit in the heat on this barren highway!” It was sad really. Anyway, there ought to be some kind of warning system don’t you think? I mean come on iphone! Help me more please!
    Also, kudos to the “well wrote diss” above. Hyuck hyuck.xoxo

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