Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

Inspired by this blog post, Ez Pudewa of Creature Comforts  challenged a group of bloggers to write about things we are afraid to share with our readers. Just one post that was completely upfront. The thought is a little revolutionary. What if people, women especially, were just honest with each other?  Below is my little piece of the challenge.

Life is not all dancing in the kitchen and cotton candy colors. The walls of my home do not always echo with my children’s laughter. Sometimes my marriage bends under the weight of work and motherhood and the everyday. And in those moments when the pretty glass of my life has been smudged, I feel very alone. Alone and sure that other women don’t have days when they don’t know whether to walk or run or hide. That I must be the only one that can be reduced to tears by a pile of dishes in the sink. Sometimes the world and the people in it seem so bright and able and I feel so small. In my rational moments, I know that I am not the only wife, mother, WOMAN that feels the way I do. I understand that there shouldn’t be anything lonely about being a woman. Perhaps if we shared the burden of our problems as readily as we share organic quinoa burger recipes, life would be just this much easier and just this much richer.

So, a step.

A list of five things that I don’t want you to know because they show that I am often much less than I should be. Flaws and vanities that I may or may not overcome. A few bullet points that demonstrate I am just human and working on it. A little something that will help you to remember that you are just human, too. And, oh my goodness, maybe that is okay.

(I know what you are thinking…Just five, Meg? Come on, you can do better than that. And I could, but the magnitude of the unabridged list would overwhelm you, dear reader. It would absolutely crush you in an avalanche of mismatched socks and never did anything about it dreams. Trust me, five is all you can handle.)

5 Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

1. I think I could be a bestselling author. I can envision the cover art, the climb up The New York Times Bestseller list,  and the book tour which, naturally, includes a stop by The Ellen Show.

Oh, Ellen! You found the characters to be both complex and approachable? It’s the best thing you have ever read? Of course I will sign your copy…shall I make it out to Portia, too?

Yes, I really think I could be a famous, movie based on the book, set for life author. And do you know what I have to show for all my certainty? A lot of talk and the wisp of an outline divided between my computer and two pads of paper. Apparently achieving a dream takes something more than pretension and a couple of late night brainstorms.

And what it takes, I may not have.

2. I don’t care for green smoothies. Sorry Pinterest, but I really don’t.

3. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, unable to breathe, absolutely sure I have missed every opportunity motherhood has given me. After the panic subsides, I walk softly into the girls room, listen to them sleep and tuck their feet back under the blankets. Then I take myself out into the hall and sit with my back against the wall. Just breathe. I will do better, I promise. No more one more minutes, maybe tomorrows or forgotten I promise we wills. I tell myself to remember that they are experiencing so many things for the first time. Be patient. Rejoice. For a time I really do so much better….until I don’t.

And then I wake up again, in the dark, unable to breathe.

4. I didn’t like the Twilight books and only tolerated the first volume of Hunger Games. This probably indicates that some part of my womanhood is broken. I am open to any suggested cures…as long as they don’t require me to read Breaking Dawn again. (Note: Both Stephanie Meyers and Suzanne Collins have written best selling novels. I have not. [see number 1 on this list.] Advantage Ms. Meyers and Ms. Collins)

5. There are few things more terrifying to me than a group of successful women my own age. Those bright, colorful women that are doing the things they hoped to do while still keeping their children’s faces clean. They are part of an important conversation and I feel I have nothing to contribute.

So there they are, a few of the little and not-so-little things I sweep under the rug when you drop by to say hello. Even though I should trust you. Even though you could help me. Even though you might need my help, too.

Let’s do better.

Interested in the other bloggers that took part in this challenge? Ez’s post will be posted around noon CST today at Creature Comforts.


  1. This is a lesson I need to learn. I don’t know why but honesty often terrifies me. Awesome post, I might have to do the same!

  2. Loved loved loved this post. Thanks for being so honest.

    • Heather, thank you so much! I always adore your writing and am so happy you stopped by! Have a lovely day.

  3. Love! I think being human scares most of us. Thank you for being fearless!!

  4. This is so good! This is so good! This is so good!

    And seriously. What’s with Suzanne and Stephenie being world famous for their books and not you? Get on that! I’ll be first in line.

    • Claire, you are amazing. I love your blog and I love your comments. I’ll make you a deal…if I ever get on the ellen show you will be my guest in the audience. And then afterwards we can go eat our foodie hearts out.

  5. i’d buy your book. and i’d make everyone i know buy it too. just saying.

  6. #3 just want to make me give you a hug. I believe that a mother who worries about being a good mother and works to be a better mother is one.

    #5 Oh My Goodness does this ring true for me. But for the record, to me, YOU are one of those colorful beautiful women.

    • Betsy, I will take that hug! Thank you so much for your amazingly kind words. I love your website and can’t wait for its new launch May 14th!

  7. I could have written #5 word.for.word. This is so me too. I get so anxious if I have to be in a room with all women, especially if they are my age. My first reaction is that it is a competition, and I have to look thin and pretty and say all the right things. Why do we automatically feel that competition? One of the most anxiety inducing situations for me for sure, so you are not alone! :)

    And I can relate to #3 so much too. Being a parent is so rewarding but also sooo challenging. I always feel like I could be doing more/better.

    • Isn’t it ridiculous that we feel competitive with women when we should rely on them? So unnecessary. And still so hard to overcome. I am sure you are a positively lovely mother. And I loved your post on your faith. Silence! I am leaving the radio off on my next drive around town so that I can just breathe. perfect.

  8. Your awesome! And I know you could be a best selling author! I’d buy all your books. You can do it!

  9. thank you meg, for your honesty and boldness. really encouraged here today. i tried to read the twilight books, and ha!
    you are awesome! xo

    • Hannah, Thanks so much! I read your post in the challenge and greatly respected it. Many blessings on your journey.

  10. Thank you for sharing! I’m not a parent, but you sound like such an aware mom. I hope I don’t screw that up some day, when I eventually become a parent.

    You should write your book. Clear space or time for yourself. Or at least keep a notepad close by to jot ideas down when you have a spare second. If you believe you can do it, then you definitely can do it!

    P.S. Loved your quip on quinoa. I agree. Less quinoa! More scary topics.

    • Jess,

      Thank you so much for your lovely comments. I adore your ideas for clearing time to write the book. I just might have to do it. Really.

      ALSO. I loved your post in the challenge.Your website is amazing.

      And I am glad to see we agree on the quinoa topic. So delighted I am not the only one that doesn’t think it is manna from heaven.

  11. If we’re being honest here, then let me tell you how I REALLY feel! I think you could be a best selling author and when they go to make the movie from it, I could be hired as the director…because honestly, I love telling people what to do. I’m telling you to write more.

  12. I TOTALLY agree with #1 and #5. I have this incredible book idea, but I’m scared as shit at the thought of all the work I’d have to do to get it done. I just don’t think I want to work that hard, which makes me think of #5, and all of the women who do work that hard and beat me to the punch. It’s one of the reasons I avoid blogging conferences- I’d never have enough “look what I can do” things to talk about. My main talents would be being awkward and avoiding eye contact.

    • I am sure you are have far more talents than you are giving yourself credit for…isn’t that true for all of us? I am going to my first blogger conference in January…eeek!

  13. I’m right there with you on #5 and I HATE the Twilight series ;o)

  14. I don’t remember how it happened, but I’m really glad we found each other, Meg. I hope as soon as the bestseller comes out that you’ll send me a signed copy because I’ll be too terrified to ask.

    • Amber! Oh my goodness, could you be any lovelier? And if I ever do write a bestseller, that will mean I have some money, which will mean you and I are going going to New York and shopping every vintage boutique it can throw at us.

      Scouts Honor.

  15. It’s kind of the reverse for me with #5. I have a job, and I love it, and I have children at home, and I love them, but sometimes when I’m around a lot of SAHMs, I feel inferior. Like they are doing the best work in the world, work that I have difficulty doing 24-7 (you know, without going crazy-out-of-my-mind bonkers), which is why I have a job outside the home. And what do I do? Oh, yeah, well I leave my kids for about 10 hours a day and come back home and see them for a couple of hours before they go to bed. Oh, your kid can read before he hits preschool? That’s so wonderful. My kid can’t read yet, even though she’s preschool age, and oh yeah, we don’t have a way to get her to a preschool that we can also afford, so she doesn’t even go. I just feel like I’m not as good as all these wonderful SAHMs that spend all this wonderful quality time with their kids and who aren’t missing out on their kids’ childhoods.

    Aaah, sorry to be so long-winded! Anyway, I definitely share #3 with you. Oh, and I haven’t even bothered trying to read Twilight series OR the Hunger Games, so if some part of your womanhood is broken, that same part is broken in me, too. :)

    • Oh Jennifer.

      This comment really touched me. Don’t worry. All you can do is just that, ALL YOU CAN DO. It sounds like you are doing everything you can right now and your babies will love you for it. You may decide to stay home one day, you may not. It is difficult to be a mom no matter what our circumstances are. Just give your kids a hug and yourself a break.

      Also! Many studies suggest it is not beneficial for children to read too early. It can greatly stunt their vocabulary. So come home from work and read your little girl some quality picture books. She will be way ahead of the game.

  16. Just loved it. All. Basically, it is the step you took to write these, that makes each day a little easier for everyone else. At least for me. I would be in that long line of people after your best sellers, and commend you for all you’ve done in the multiple hats you wear! You are an inspiration, lady, to many! Especially, future-moms, like me!
    God speed!

    (also, there is another Betsy in your world!)

    • Betsy! Can I just take you to dinner already? You always make me feel like I am much more on top of things than I actually am. And isn’t that what friends are for? Wink.

      I cannot wait for you to be a mommy. You are just going to be the best thing that ever happened to the institution of motherhood. I.Know.It.

      (And don’t worry. You will always be the First Betsy!)

  17. Am I the only one that totally hears you on the green smoothie thing? Blegh! Make it red or pink and I’d be all over it! :)

    • Casey, you are cracking me up. Also I read your post from yesterday. So glad everything is going so much better in your world!

  18. I’ll be buying all your books in hard back copies. And the internet has it’s bad and good, but it’s showed me how awesome of a mom you are. Breathe girl! :-)

    • Lauren, you are too good to me. And yes, I will BREATHE! I hope your weekend is just as fantastic as the rest of the week has been!

  19. no worries, i haven’t read any of those books and only forced myself to watch the first twilight movie so I could HONESTLY say I didn’t like it. and i was right that it was a complete waste of time :)

    • You know I went to the midnight showing of the last one with some friends. And while the friend part was AWESOME the movie part was well…not.

  20. Oh, Meg. The gigantic #1 reason why I enjoy reading your blog so much is that you are honest. Thank you.

    I sometimes experience a panic of my own at the crossroads of my creative projects and the call of motherhood. And I’ve recently discovered one tactic that’s helping.

    Maybe I’m just easily overwhelmed, but when I’m aching to write my whole book, I don’t do a thing about it. So I’ve started setting a goal that I’m incapable of failing at. Right now, it’s to write for just 5 minutes every day.

    Sometimes, those 5 minutes lead to more minutes that I didn’t know I had the courage or energy for 5 minutes earlier.

    And sometimes they don’t. Five minutes is up, I’ve got nothing, and the baby is calling. But at the end of the day, I’m always 5 minutes closer.

    Thank you for sharing your words. Can’t wait to read your book.

  21. I was so touched by number 3 – only the best of moms would feel like that. I, at times, feel that same awful guilt about that one moment missed because I was overtired, busy, or too distracted to notice that that was the moment that means everything to them. And, though, at times, it seems that I repeat that same mistake, I know that every next time I do a little bit better. I have such an admiration for you sharing this. Thank you.

  22. Stacy Anderson

    Alright little Meggy (sorry if you hate the name Meggy), I must comment on each one of these.

    #1- You will be a bestselling author and I will be your number one fan. First of all….40 comments on one post? I think you’re headed to stardom already! That many comments only happens in the loveliest of my dreams and it’s every bloggers paradise. I love the way you write and I can’t wait for the day to get lost in the pages of your bestselling book. Second…I love Ellen too. :)

    #2- This is why we’re friends. I think green smoothies are equal to what I change on my kids every day.

    #3- I know the feeling. I think this happens to every mother, but rest assured that your children have the very best mother out there. They don’t get better than you!

    #4- SERIOUS?! Man, I can totally see the Twilight hatred, but I sure loved Hunger Games. I’m a sucker for teen crap though. I mean…if I weren’t married I would probably still have teen beat posters on my wall, right? I guess this is why Ms. Collins is successful…because I buy into that kind of nonsense.

    #5- You are definitely one of those women to me. :) Crazy how you are what you’re afraid of, right? Someday you’ll have to teach me how to be that lovely.

    I love you, my dear. You’re truly amazing and I hope to be more like you. If I had to post my insecurities it would probably get transformed into a bad soap opera. Way too dramatic for my own good sometimes.

  23. See Meg, I would say that you seem pretty honest in all of your posts. And yet look at how the comments roll in when you really bust it out! I love all of these.

    Just a question: DO YOU LIKE SMOOTHIES THAT AREN’T GREEN? I will happily take them either way if they are made deliciously, but if you don’t care for them in their purest form, you have no hope of liking a green one.

    Also. Thinking about #5. I can definitely identify with these feelings . . . but maybe the problem really goes back to how you/we/society are defining “successful women.” Maybe subconsciously? Because you, my dear, are a successful woman. I’m still trying to work this out in my brain so I’m not saying this very well, but it’s like you are accidentally defining a successful woman as someone with some type of a career even though I know you completely embrace motherhood and all that comes with it. But like you still need more if you really want to count yourself in with the successful women. Does that make sense?? Like I said, this isn’t coming out very well because I’m just thinking it through!

  24. AMEN to #4. I cannot stand the Twilight series. The books, the movies, everything about it makes me cringe.

    • I do have to admit that I don’t mind that Pattinson kid in small doses…but other than that…agreed.

  25. Alright. Let me set the stage for you.

    Saturday night. Cinco De Mayo. Late. After work. I’m not at bar with friends. I’m not holding a Corona. I’m in snuggled up in my bed. Wearing half of my work uniform still + some gym shorts. I just finished off a bag of trail mix and an episode of How I Met Your Mother. And then I mosied on over here to play a little “catch up”.

    It’s late and I’ve had a lot of trail mix, so my words aren’t coming to mind in a desirable manner, so all I’m going to say is this:

    You are beautiful and amazing. You could be a NY Times Best-selling author and if you don’t I’ll be so mad at you.

    Also, I have no interest in Twilight either.

    And ah, I have much more to say, but I think I will save it for the tea party in January.

    Much love.

    • And I left out the part in my stage setting where I literally went from sinking beneath my covers to sitting completely upright as I continued to read your post, cause you had me THAT engaged! Ha, I really loved your number 1 because sometimes I feel that way too– like there is much greatness I could achieve… if only discipline could be purchased off ebay.

  26. I love your list and 5 is great, why push yourself to do more if you don’t want to?

    I liked the first hunger games book but not the others and I read all the twilight books but frankly they just made me glad that I wasn’t a young adult anymore lol.

    I’ve never had a green smoothie and I don’t intend to. Also, I actually find just a group of women my own age scary – successful or not.

    Thanks for sharing

  27. holy crap Megan!! I am not even this honest with myself (so sad, I know). Thanks for the mom one, though. I do that almost every night and I certain (certain I tell you) that I am ever. Thanks for being honest since I can’t.

    • Carrie,

      You crack me up. This was just scratching the surface of all my dysfunction. Really.

      And I happen to believe you are one of the best mom’s ever. Really.


  28. Omg. I love this article. I also thought I was a broken woman for disliking the Hunger Games. At least I have company in my dysfunction. And last night my dog pooing his crate (again) while my baby was screaming and my husband out of town for the week made me sob like a psychopath. I wish we could all admit we have those days and be more caring towards other moms rather than competitive.

    • Delores…company in dysfunction! I love it! And I am so sorry you had a hard night last night. I hate when my husband is out of town. I usually console myself with pizza and loads of ice cream. It helps.

  29. I’ve never been to your blog before, but, I’m not lying, as I was reading through the introduction, I was thinking what a good writer you are! Then I read #1. YOU CAN DO IT. Your style was there in your first paragraph!

    • Oh my goodness! THANK YOU SO MUCH! You are just too lovely. You have absolutely made my day. Have a fantastic! Wednesday.

  30. I read an article in New Domesticity which led me to Creature Comforts which then led me to this reality project.
    I was clicking on a few of the blogs on “Round One” (listed on Creature Comforts ) and came to yours

    And read ” However, it is easy to forget all that lovely, transcendent business when I am covered in spit up and both of my kids are screaming ”

    Cracked up right then and there and marked you to favorites.

    I can already tell I will enjoy reading your blog. Good writing is what brings people back to blogs ( at least people like me, though I am new to the blogging world )

  31. #1 made me giggle!!!!! Because I have the same vision! Hehehe! So now I think I love you ;)

    And #3!!!!!!!!! It’s like you literally described me and what I do at night! You took the words right out of my mouth. It’s probably the toughest one for me. Just like you, I tell myself I will do better, and I do for a time until I find myself back at square one, beating myself up for missing opportunities to genuinely enjoy my daughters.

    Thank you for being honest! Transparency is something we all need to have!

  32. Um. Wow. Can we please be friends? Actually, I’m in your ward, and will admit that after stumbling upon your website through an Instagram post of Lindsey’s, I have been reading here for a couple…hours now? I guess I’ll have to introduce myself on Sunday! It’s just that dang #5 that gets me every time! ;)

    • HELLO!

      YES! Let’s sit next to each other in RS! Thank you so much for reading AND COMMENTING! Makes my day. Yes, that darn #5. Gets me every d&#% time. Wink.

  33. I totally relate to this one. You and I have #5 in common.

    Thanks for your honesty

  34. I was embarrassed to admit what I was reading while devouring the first 3 novels of the Twilight series. They were an entertaining escape from reality, that I read while my kids were at swim lessons (under the careful eye of a well trained teenage lifegaurd?). I lost interest in the 4th book after reading the wikipedia summary and made up my own happier ending (it’s Beauty and the Beast-esque – Edward bites Bella to change her into a vampire and instead he becomes human and they live a happy normal life together). Never bothered with the Hunger Games.
    After reading just a few posts on your blog I have decided that I would love to read any book you write. Your writing feels much less forced and contrived. I hope you do write a novel one day and I will be sure to watch that episode of Ellen!

    • Ah! Thank you!

      And I have to tell you that my favorite English professor, a brilliant woman who has been published MANY times, LOVED Twilight. Like…wore t-shirts to school with Team Edward written on them kind of love.

      So you are in VERY good company.

  35. Are you sure someone didn’t switch babies at birth? Except for #2 (I love green smoothies), you could be my daughter. Gratefully, the hesitation of admitting/facing these fears seems to lose its significance after forty.

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